Jordan POV:
If you asked me to tell you the exact moment I realized I liked Naomi, I wouldn't quite be able to tell you. Maybe it's because it wasn't just one moment. It's more of a combination of everything I've seen her do. Every conversation we've had, every day we've spent together, every time she smiled at me like I was her favorite thing. It's the kind of affect she has on people once you grow closer to her. She makes you feel like the most special person in the world, and it's the best feeling ever. Maybe it's the way I can tell her face apart from all the other ones. Or maybe it's from the way she makes me see. In color. Granted, loving someone won't just automatically cure my colorblindness. As sweet as that may be, it doesn't work like that. I still see the world in thousands of different shades of gray.
But it's not all bad. I've learned to take interest in all the different kinds of gray. Since I've never had anything to compare them too, they've always been the most interesting color to me. There's the dark, thick type of gray that you see when you look at a dark, flat surface. That's the color of my walls at the base. Bennett tells me it's actually dark blue, but I see it as that dark gray color. And then there's the soft, light gray that kind of makes me feel like I'm floating. That's the color of the sky. And then there's the type of gray that's so light, you almost mistake it for being white. That's the color of the walls in my house. My mom says they're actually cream colored, which is apparently really close to white, so that probably explains why it's such a light gray color.
It took a few months after I lost my ability to see color, but eventually, I accepted the fact that I would never see color again. It became the norm for me. Instead, I took interest in the different types of grays. I got used to it. But then I met her, and for some reason, I'm starting to see differently now. I see different types of colors for different types of emotions whenever she's around.
For example, when I'm mad at someone(but not her. I could never be mad at her) I see this... kind of spiky, painful kind of color. It somehow looks like Declan. I think it's called red, but I could never be certain.
And when I'm relaxed I see this sort of calm, soothing color. It reminds me of Bennett. And when I'm sad, I see this color... I don't know how to describe it, but I think I used to know it as green. Yeah, that seems right. And when I'm Disappointed, I see purple. I remember that color because it was the color of my favorite blanket when I was a toddler. And then there's this bright... sort of joyous color that I see whenever I'm happy. Something that starts with a 'Y.'
But my favorite color is pale pink. It's that one color that I can only see when I look at Naomi. It has that sort of soft, warm, fuzzy feeling that makes you want to curl up with a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate in front of a fireplace.
Seeing colors for the first time in over a decade always leaves me wanting more. I want to see in color all the time. I want colors to match the different shapes of different objects. I want to see more than just tints and flashes. But I know that won't happen. It's a fact of life for me.
But right now, my mind isn't on the different types of colors I see when she's around. It's not on anything gang related or anything family related. It's not even on the fact that for the first time in a long time, I'm in love. And not just the normal teenage kind of love. I mean the soul sucking, panic-attack-causing kind that scares the shit out of me. Having these kinds of feelings for someone at the age of eighteen isn't normal, and, despite my attempts at trying to appear confident at all times, whenever I'm around her I can't help but feel like a frightened little boy. It's not because she's scary, I assure you. In fact, she kind of reminds me of a puppy: small, feisty, and very cuddly(she always snuggles into my shoulder when we're watching movies, which causes all kinds of happy feelings to bubble up inside me). But it's because I know that eventually, she'll realize how big of an idiot and an annoyance I am. And I dread that day even more than I dread Mondays and tests.
