Declan POV:
"You can't live in a world that has no place for you." I stared down at her limp body as her words repeated over and over again in my head like a broken record. The tears had stopped long ago, and I was reduced to an emotionless lump. I still held her letter, which was now crumpled from all my fidgeting.
"It'll be alright," Jordan had told me before he and Bennett left. "She's not dead. We stopped her before it could happen, okay? She's only in a coma. She'll wake up. She has to." I clenched my fist around the letter before slowly relaxing it. I looked down at the worn piece of paper, reading over the words again.
Dear Declan,
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't want to leave you guys behind. I didn't want to give up. I didn't want to stop fighting. But in the end, I had no choice.
Please don't blame yourself for this, and don't let the others blame themselves either. This isn't your fault. In fact, for a long time, you three were the only ones keeping me from ending it all.
You loved me when I was unloved. You accepted me when I was unaccepted. You embraced me and held me close when I couldn't even bare to look at the reflection of myself in the mirror. But it couldn't last forever.
I tried to fight. I tried to stand tall and stay strong. I tried so, so hard not to give up. But I always knew in the back of my mind that I'd already lost the battle. I could fight for as long as I wanted, but it would still end the same way. And I was tired.
I let the bullies get to me. I swear I didn't try to, but they somehow managed to crawl their way in and I couldn't get them out of my head. And nothing anyone could've done would be able to fix it.
I know you guys tell me I'm beautiful. That I'm strong and that I'm worth everything and that you'll always be there for me. And you've made me feel so loved, so cared for, so... human. But it could never fix the hole in my heart. It could never fix the overwhelming, nightmarish thoughts that pass through my brain late at night, when it's dark and no one is there to make sure I'm okay. It eats me alive at night and it hurts so much.
You could've hugged me as much as you wanted. You could've nursed my wounds and kissed my scars and told me a thousand times that I'm beautiful, but nothing you did would've fixed the thousands and thousands of tiny shards that used to make up my heart.
I was a broken soul in a place I didn't belong in. I was a mind that didn't belong, a face that didn't match, and a heart that couldn't be loved back. I was lost in some place I wasn't supposed to be in. I felt so empty, so inhuman... I didn't want to live like that. And for years I told myself that eventually the nightmare that is my life would eventually die down, but it never did.
I'd like to think I fought a long, hard battle. I'd like to think that I at least didn't go down that easily. And you guys probably think that yourselves. But I know it's a lie.
Every day, every single day, I either cried myself to sleep or didn't get any at all. I let all of my emotions bleed out through my wrists until I felt empty to the point where I could barely be considered human. You probably didn't notice how much I had started spacing out, and I can't blame you. I stopped eating, too, not because I thought I was fat, but because I couldn't find the energy to do so anymore.
And I wanted to think that with you guys, it would all get better. We'd grow up together, and when we're older and have jobs and families, we'll sit around the dinner table and laugh about how bad our high school was and how everything is so much better.
But I knew the reality would probably be me, staring blankly out the window at night, maybe with someone next to me, but probably not. I'd look up at the moon and, for the first time in years, you three will cross my mind, and I'd suddenly find myself crying at the thought of you guys and how much I miss you and wondering if any of you were looking at it too and if maybe, just maybe, you were thinking of me like I was thinking of you. But I'd know, deep down, that you weren't, that you probably don't even remember me, and definitely don't spend time thinking about me.
And I guess that's what drove me to the point. The utter hopelessness, the knowledge that there would be no happy ending took away the last bit of hope I had been holding onto. I wish I could say one last goodbye, give you one last hug and see your face one more time, but I can't. I'm sorry for giving up, Declan. But I don't really know what else to do.
Love,
Naomi
I look back at Naomi's small figure and my heart broke for her. I took her hand in mine in an attempt to comfort myself. It kills me to know that our friend is hurting so much and we didn't even know. It hurts to know that in the end, we really aren't able to do anything about it. Our angel is fighting a battle she was going to lose from the beginning, and as much as we can help her, we can't fight it for her.
I think Naomi doesn't really understand how much we care about her. She thinks we like her because of the things she deems as good traits. She thinks that we like her because she's strong, independent, stands out, etc. She doesn't get that we'll still love her if she gives up. We'll still love her when she feels bad about herself or thinks she's ugly. We'll still love her if she stops fighting because she just can't do it anymore. And I feel like the quicker she realizes that, the quicker she'll learn that she can go to us for help no matter what she needs.
I press a light kiss to her forehead before turning the lights off and leaving the room, unable to bare the sight of what I failed to prevent any longer.
I've seen a lot of people making comments about Naomi being stupid, naive, unreasonable, unfair, mean, etc. whenever she does anything, even a small thing, wrong. Especially when she was dating Parker, when she fought with the boys, everyone acted like she had tried to start a nuclear war, and whenever she was nice to Parker, they called her dumb, naive, stupid, etc. I'm generally concerned by the fact that people seem incapable of understanding that a character can have a good heart while still occasionally being mean, hurtful, unreasonable, unfair, or wrong, because last time I checked, that's what REAL people are like. Stop turning against Naomi every time she makes a small mistake. She's human. It makes her a realistic and relatable character.
Also, I might make a longer version of this chapter later. It was a bad chapter, but I wanted to post a second one today since I haven't posted in awhile
