Tell me to believe in my dreams
Then tell me they're
Unrealistic.
Is it wrong to want the most for myself?
That I deserve to be happy and
Do what feels right?
Fear holds me hostage
Keeps me inside my mind.
Never motivated enough to
Chase.
Finding comfort in the
Predictable
No matter how null I feel.
It's safe here
With them
Doing this.
But it feels wrong.
Like I'm watching my own life
Drag on day by day
Not being able to do anything.
Stuck in the same place I've always been
And will always be.
I hoped these dreams would
Fade.
My mind would focus on something more
Practical
Like the rest of my family.
They support his dream.
Why is mine different?
Because I don't have a degree?
I'm willing to go through
Hell and back to do
Something I love.
And it's not this.
I can't do this forever.
My soul is dying.
I'm just dramatic.
These doubts will disappear in the morning
That's what they tell me.
Always dismissing my words.
You don't have to follow the path.
Bullshit.
You don't really want me to stray
You just want to seem like a good parent.
One that supports your kids dreams.
But you really don't.
You don't have the guts to tell me
You're not good enough.
You'll never be good enough
If you keep sitting here.
I can't tell you my thoughts.
How living this way makes me want to
Keel over.
How living like this is killing me inside.
All the stress and for what?
To do something I don't even like?
All because I'm somewhat capable of
Doing it.
Just because I can do it doesn't mean
I want to.
I want to do something that makes me feel
Whole
Alive
Human.
But that's not practical.
What are you gonna do?
Drop out of college?
Waste everything you've worked so hard for?
What do I save?
My reputation?
Or myself?
Go to bed and you'll be
Better
In the morning.
Back to yourself.
You mean the person I let you see.
Not the one crying in my bed every night
Not the one who questions why to even
Get out of bed
Not the one lying awake at night watching as
Her life passes by
As she stands still.
You see the one that's
Agreeable
Sensible
Nice.
That's not me.
That person doesn't have these dreams.
She lives on the path
Never questioning which way to go.
I don't want to be her anymore.
I want everyone to see me
My dreams
My hopes
My true love
The things I want from this life.
Because this isn't it.
