It's not a feeling of heartbreak.
It's a feeling of utter nothingness.
It's not numb.
It's painful everywhere.
My chest feels like it's cracking.
My back aches and tenses.
My stomach cramps and ties in knots.
Not a feeling of sadness
A feeling of confused emptiness.
I convince myself that I'm not broken
As a stream of tears rolls down my cheek.
I scream
No sound comes out
My throat is closing
I want to scream but can't
My mouth stays wide open
Gapping
Trying to find anything to express the nothingness.
It was utterly expected
Yet painfully surprising.
She thought he loved her
He didn't
He never will.
He did not break her heart
He tore a piece out of her
Pretended to cherish it
Then trashed it
When a better offer came along.
I wish I could hate her
I try
I can't
I wish I could hate him
I try
I can't.
Can kindness kill the giver?
My kindness is my madness
My demise.
I can't hate them
But I can hate me.
Convince myself of my destiny.
A life alone
Surrounded by others.
No escape from the torture.
I shrink away until I am only observing.
A bit of matter insignificant to other lives.
Part of the nothingness that consumed me.
