Not in that Way- Destiel/Sabriel

Chapter 4- Castiel

He tried everything to get me to talk. From asking the simplest of questions to asking the deep personal questions that made anxiety pulse through my veins.

I tried to remain silent maybe throwing out one words answers or a shrug of my shoulders here and there. I deep down knew that this man might very well be my soulmate. The very person I should be spending the rest of my life with.

I felt horrible knowing that Samuel was clueless about my true identity, but I couldn't tell him. Not yet at least.

I don't think I could ever love him like I should be able to.

The day I realized I was gay was the summer before 8th grade. I had just turned 14 and for my birthday Tommy Glossen kissed me right on the lips. I had no idea that kissing another boy was okay until I was melting into my first kiss. That night when I told my parents who were not as thrilled as I was. They told me that their son could not possibly be gay. That is was the highest of sins and would send me straight to hell.

That night I cried as my father 'beat the sin' out of me. The next day Anna had Gabe and I up before the sun and we left.

Anna turned 18 a year later. Then she ran off. I promised myself I would never leave Gabe alone like she did.

Now here I was my soulmate only two feet away with a sad frown on his face.

When I first turned 18, I filled an entire notebook with Castiel Winchester. I wrote it over and over again until my hand cramped. Then I remember what love really was. It was the betrayal that left me and half my siblings homeless and later left Gabe and I all alone. That same night I burned my notebook until it was nothing but a pile of ash.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Samuel's strong yet uncertain voice, "So um..." I could see him throwing words around in his head. Why was he still trying to talk to me. I've ignored him and refused to talk since we first met. I surely wouldn't want to talk to me.

"You don't have to talk to me..." My voice trailed off and I looked anywhere but at him.
My hand twitched and fumbled around as I felt panic creeping up my throat.

When I looked back towards Samuel, he was stopped behind me a few feet.

He seemed angry with me and he had every right to be. When he finally opened his mouth he spewed our words that stung as they rung in my ears. I wanted to cry as his harsh words spilled over me, but I finally pulled myself together and ran after him.

I tried my best to explain without giving away too much. A small smile played on his lips as I apologized and he turned towards me.

"It's fine man I jut didn't want to be those roommates that hate each other." I smiled at his comment. I thought for sure I had really ruined any chance with him by closing myself off, but he really seemed to want to get to know me. "Also you can call me Sam."

Something inside me lit up. Nobody had ever liked me enough to share something like a nickname with me. I smiled up at his warm features. Maybe I could tell him my real name. Maybe he actually liked me a little.

We kept talking all the way up to our room. Then everything changed. I went from laughing like a maniac to almost sprinting out of the room.

Castiel, what was your home life like? It was really a simple question. Well, simple for just about everybody but me. Others might respond with good maybe even great, but what was I supposed to say.

I walked as fast as I could towards the northern part of the campus. Tears were threatening to spill over as I quickened my pace. When I reached the right building I slipped inside and past the office woman who smiled up at me. I saw her smile slip some as she saw my already puffy red eyes.

I pushed past her and to Chuck's office. He wasn't in and I sighed in relief. I flopped down on his small leather office couch.

Tears flowed down my face in thick streams. I thought I would be able to control myself, but Sam's question hit me hard.

My home life was horrible. My father died when I was only five. My mom fell apart soon after and drank herself into rehab. At that point it was only Anna and I. Soon we were thrown into the system and ended up with them. The Novak's adopted Anna and I into their already oversized family. Everything was okay for awhile. Then the beatings began. They claimed that we were devil spawn due to our mothers actions. They beat me almost everyday. Until the teachers noticed bruises. They reported them, but nobody ever did anything. After that they were more careful with where they hit me.

Later they controlled every aspect of my life. I couldn't do anything without getting permission first. The only people who tried to help were my new siblings. They were nothing like their parents. Each and every one of them treated me how you should treat a person. They all helped to clean me up after a beating and Lucifer even took beatings for me a few times.

Now we were all split up. Lucifer was somewhere north of here, living it up in some rock band. Hannah was traveling the country with her soulmate. Anna was in New York with her soulmate. Gabriel was with me and Balthazar was at some correctional facility. Raphael was living in the Novak's basement still and Uriel, Gadreel, and Samandriel were too young to leave yet.

All I wanted was for my big brother to hold me in his arms and tell me everything would be okay again. Lucifer may have been named after the devil but he always knew just what to say.

I don't know how long I was in Chuck's office before he came rushing in.

"Cas, you okay?" He said it barely above a whisper just in case I was having another panic attack. I could sense his worry. The office lady must have told him I was here.

"I'm fine." That was it. That was all I said before running right past Chuck. I didn't know where I was going but I certainly didn't want to go back to my room and I surely didn't want to talk it out with my kind of uncle.

Before I knew it I was walking at a speedy pace away from the campus. I couldn't face Sam right now. I had let him to quick and I don't think I'm ready to talk about my life with my possibly soulmate.

I walked down one street, turning into another one. I walked he same route I always had before I was actually enrolled. Soon I was climbing a dark narrow staircase and banging on a thick wooden door.

I saw a light flick on under the door and heard small footsteps making their way towards the door. The bolt unlocked in a hurry and the chain slid away.

"Cas, what are you doing here, are you okay?"

Her voice was low as she moved forward as if looking for injuries.

"Hey Charles, can I come in?"

Hey-o! So this chapter might suck because I rushed to finish it before today ended. It's kind of another filler chapter, but it's also a lot about Cas's life, so enjoy I guess! See ya next time.