Heart of Steel [Pokémon Fanfiction]

38| Torn Apart

I didn't know things could get worse from there, but they did. Instead of waking up in a panic like I had done for what I was sure was the past month or so, I awoke in a continuously ill state with no memory of having any nightmares. Day after day, it was the same symptoms. It was horrible. I was always weak, nauseous, and tired, so tired. I almost preferred the nightmares to this. At least I felt like I had regained some energy when I inevitably woke myself up.

I now spent most of my time in bed, slumped against the wall in a perpetual fog, feeling too tired to move much but too afraid to fall back asleep in fear of refreshing whatever ailed me. The flu-like symptoms I felt would gradually fade over the course of the day, but it didn't matter since they would seemingly "reset" the next time I passed out. I didn't eat nearly as much now on account of my constant queasiness and slept even less. It was like I was suspended in a hellish limbo.

I did my best to carry on with my routine to keep myself awake, steeped with a new, desperate vigor. And as this torture carried on, it brought more side effects with it. Some very painful side effects.

"Be strong for both your father and me. We know you're capable of it..."

I heard Mom's last request over and over. And I no longer heard it in my mind. I swore she was right next to me, repeating this.

Frighteningly, one time I thought I did see her, standing over me and smiling down at me comfortingly. Joy overwhelmed how awful I felt, and I didn't care that what I was seeing was impossible. I tried to reach out to her, and the instant I did, she vanished before my eyes.

I stared at the empty air in shock, tears gradually filling my eyes. I began crying, and it didn't take long before it escalated into hysterical sobs. I buried my face in the sheets of the bed, muffling my cries for her until I cried myself to sleep.

After that, I kept seeing her. Whenever I wasn't sleeping or struggling to keep my mind clear I'd see her serene smile, her sky blue eyes that I was fortunate enough to have been blessed with. She was everywhere, almost like she was mocking me, proving that I wasn't strong, that I was letting her down. Every time I saw her it scared me more, fed another vein of dread into my bloodstream. Every time I thought of her, my grip on the invisible lifeline slipped further.

I almost never spoke to Meteor now. His and Orbit's presences were overbearing, filling my mind to the point where I could barely think straight. But I didn't want them to leave. I knew if they left, I'd fully lose it. I needed them. My mind was right. I depended on others too much. And I let it have the satisfaction of ridiculing me, then I would be able to hear a voice that didn't belong to Meteor or myself. It surely wasn't my own voice, that one wasn't as shaky or weak.