Misconceptions

Chapter 10.

My birthday passed and I'm officially twenty years old, I enjoyed my day and went to a hookah bar and enjoyed myself with friends. I was looking bad on my birthday and the jumpsuit I wore had my ass looking big as shit. I had got really drunk that I couldn't even drive my car home, my friend had to drive me home but I was giving lap dances and enjoying myself the whole night.

I was so mad I was on my period on my birthday because I could've had some dick but I wasn't tripping cause I literally just had some about six days ago on the last day of the year with Paul.

I swear I hate that I can never see him on my birthday, I never tell him this but I high key be upset that I've never gotten the chance to physically see or hang out with my best friend on my birthday. It sucks and it low key makes me not enjoy my birthday a full 100% but I'll be all right, he's in school getting his education and that's all that matters.

It's been a week going on two since my birthday, I'm back in school starting a whole new semester. I've high key been in a good mood lately and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I was able to overcome my fears and officially stop playing games with Paul. I'm just happy to have that weight lifted off my shoulders, it's been three years and some change because next month about to be four years since.

It's a new year and a lot has changed towards the end of 2016, Jhanae came back to church some time in November, I actually had a sit down with her probably a month before that for church purposes only. Basically she used to be in our dance ministry and my dance captain Karen was talking to me and advising me on things that I need to do about Jhanae.

Karen was saying that ever since the situation happened with Jhanae and I dropped all ties with her, once she moved back home she never showed face to church again. People assumed she didn't want to come to church to save herself the embarrassment from others, and save herself from me because everybody knows how shady, rude, and mean as shit I can get when I don't fuck with you.

I told Karen that she had a point in everything she was saying, and that it's not my business on how she feels, at the end of the day you don't come to church because of people but I'll talk to her and let her know that we not cool but you can come to church and be apart of our ministry again. I'm just going to keep my distance with her that's all.

The talk with Jhanae was short and really fast, I'm not as petty as people assume, at the end of the day I'm very mature, so all that immature shit is not with me at all. We're all grown here, for me to purposely make her feel bad for being in my presence whenever she do come to church or go back to the ministry is not my doing. I stay in my lane, you stay in yours, I can be cordial with you for the purposes of church and the ministry but other than that don't get it twisted, I don't fuck with you.

Other than Jhanae 2016 was a very spontaneous year for me and I overcame a lot of things and I'm proud of myself, I can't stay in this shell forever it's going to fuck up opportunities in my life. I got a tattoo, couple piercings, and finally had sex. Paul and Sam were my only two counts for now, I literally have a couple people in my phone who been wanting to fuck for quite some time now but I'm not about to entertain them, I'm not about to start acting out upping my body count for no reason.

Erica's twin brother Eric has been hitting me up lately, it's not our first time talking outside of church or even chilling by ourselves. We both smoke so we usually have our sessions where we smoke and chill, we did other things but he's been wanting to fuck for some time too but I told him no. It would be weird because his sister is Erica, my homegirl, his older sister is my dance captain/mom like/older friend Karen, his older brother Nick is someone I used to talk to. That's not going to be cool if we did do anything, not that his sisters would care to be honest because I know them I know they won't care, but I just don't like the idea. I really don't care that I used to talk to his older brother, it was never anything serious, and I was just entertaining him because he really liked me at the time.