Becoming Beta

Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks to brownlark42 for beta services! Enjoy!

I've just killed a man, Draco thought dully as he walked back to the dueling court. I've murdered a man in cold blood.

Draco looked down at his hands as he plodded along, despite the cleaning spells, there was blood caked under his fingernails. He lifted his sleeve to his nose, and he could still smell the tangy metallic scent of blood. He needed a shower. And maybe a drink.

Upon entering the dueling court, the rest of the pack turned toward him. Seff loped over, but as soon as he got a whiff of Draco he stopped and looked at him with wide eyes.

Draco didn't acknowledge Seff; he didn't acknowledge anyone as he trudged to his tent in the back of the large room. Once inside, he stripped down and vanished his clothing. He stepped in his shower and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. Getting each fleck of blood out from under his fingernails. Removing the scent from his hair and skin. He turned the water on as hot as he could stand it and stood there for a while, still feeling dirty when he finally stepped out.

He dressed himself and then sat at a small table, staring bleakly at his tent walls. He didn't know how long he sat there, but eventually Fenrir flipped his tent flap open and entered the tent.

"There you are, pup. I've been looking for you," Fenrir said, sitting across from him.

Draco looked at him, his gaze listless.

"You all right, pup?" Fenrir asked with concern.

Draco nodded, then in a hushed voice said, "I killed someone tonight."

"That you did! Excellent job, the Dark Lord will be proud when he hears my report," Fenrir replied.

Draco nodded. He didn't know what else to say. He was a murderer. He didn't want to be a murderer, he had never wanted to be a murderer. Part of the reason he never wanted to take the Dark Mark was because it was a requirement. Every Death Eater murdered someone before taking the Mark. He knew why he murdered Dolohov. Granger. He was pretty sure he loved Granger. He knew he would do anything for her, anything to protect her. She was his. She belonged to him. Malfoy's protect their things. Malfoy's protect their family.

But he couldn't square that with having murdered Dolohov. He couldn't remember the emotions he felt when he was in the thick of it. He was so consumed with rage that Reule had stepped forward and taken over.

"It was Reule," Draco finally said.

"What do you mean, it was Reule?" Fenrir asked he had his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Reule took over and murdered Dolohov," Draco told him, finally looking up to meet Fenrir's eyes.

"Pup," Fenrir said gravely, "you and Reule, you're the same person. Your personality split when you were bit, but he's still you. He's your base instincts and desires. You can't blame Reule for actions that happen when he's in charge. He is you. You have to come to terms with that." The look of concern and affection on Fenrir's face calmed Draco.

Draco nodded, but didn't respond. He knew that. He knew that Reule was him. Logically he knew that, but in his heart? He wasn't sure. Reule was his base instincts and desires. Did that mean that it was Reule who loved Granger, and drove him to protect her? Not Draco? Reule had never taken charge while with Granger, so how would he even know her? Because he's you and you've known Granger for six years, his mind supplied. Draco shook his head to try to clear his confusion. He was Reule, Reule was him. They were the same person, just split.

"How do you reconcile the two pieces?" He asked Fenrir his voice pensive.

"Time, acceptance. Meditation, maybe. It's something we need to work on during your Christmas hols," Fenrir told him. He reached forward and grasped Draco's forearm in camaraderie.