Band One-Shots (boyxboy)

The Letter (Austlan)

This one-shot is different than the ones I've done before. It's interesting to say the least. My inspiration for this one-shot? Tonight. Please enjoy.

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Dear Austin,

I saw her kiss you today. I was just standing there off to the distance and she grabbed your face and brought her lips to yours. You didn't do anything to stop it. It hurt.

You looked confused, and I bet I looked destroyed. I know you know how much I love you. I love you so much, and you just let her kiss you. Do you even know her that well? Did you even meet her before today?

I walked away. I walked over to the equipment and I held back tears because it wasn't the time or the place. I just stood there looking at the wall as my heart pounded in my chest and my hands shook.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell at you. I wanted to break down. I didn't do that though. I didn't do any of that. Not while we were with the group, and not while we were alone.

I have no right to be upset. You can be with her if you want. I had my chance and I lost it and that's my own fault. If I really wanted you that bad, I should have taken the opportunity when it arose.

I regret it everyday. Everyday I see you it hurts because I know I could of had you, but I turned you away because I thought I loved someone else. I didn't love Vic. I don't even like Vic now.

I try to hold back my feelings for you. I try to contain myself when I see you. I know that I'll scare you away if I let myself go. I've scared you away before, but you forgave me and came back.

I know I've hurt you. I've put too much on you and you don't deserve that. You deserve someone that will being you up, not tear you down. I don't want to be the person who tears down what little you have left of your happiness.

I just want to know who she really is to you. You told me you didn't know why she kissed you. I believe you, but I'm still afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to lose you. I can't lose you, Austin. You're all I have.

I don't care about much in my life, I really don't. I could lose everything except you and still be content. I could be starving or I could be getting beat up everyday and it would still be okay as long as I knew I would be able to see you.

Sometimes, I feel as if you don't care about me. You say we're best friends, but you don't try. I try so hard for you, holding myself back with my feelings and giving you space and not annoying you with my constant chatter. You don't put out for me.

You don't give me out of the blue hugs like I need. You don't pull me aside and look me in the eyes to tell me you know things aren't alright. I know you can see that I'm not doing well. You used to care so much. Where did that go?

I feel so hopeless, Austin. All the time, I keep waiting for something good to happen. I had fun today, I really did, and I'm glad you invited me to come see you play, but that kiss ruined everything.

I'm thinking about everything I did wrong. I'm thinking about all the things I could have done right. I'm thinking of how I could have changed myself sooner so you would like me better. I just don't understand sometimes.

I do understand. I understand perfectly and you have every right not to feel the same way, but that doesn't mean it will hurt me any less. I try to keep my hurt hidden. I get hurt by such little things that making all of them known would just make it seem like I'm calling out for attention.

Every time you ignore me, it hurts. Every time you don't return my hugs, it hurts. Every time you cancel on me or tell me that you're busy or that you just don't have time to hang out, it hurts. I know they're valid reasons, but it hurts.