Inside Myself

Unspoken

Hi friends! It's been almost 2 years since I last post a poem. Ikr, I also thought this book is already finished haha. But yeah, I wrote this 'kinda depressing' piece because I joined a slam poetry contest yesterday (October 1st). And 'coz I was getting rusty in writing (sucks, y'know), I decided to combine my other 2 pieces entitled Unspoken and It's Not Easy Being Me and again because I was running out of ideas haha. And I just wanna say, this is kinda ironic! I'm not even depressed or sad or what. And it's so hard esp in making 'hugot' or the feels. Some of my friends have read it and they said I was baring it all. And I guess I did. Somehow, it reflect my previous state. So yeah, I hope you like this :)

Written: September 30, 2017

Enjoy reading!
---

I always ask,
Why is it that things are like this?
Then I realized, maybe it's just the way it is.
Still, I'm confused.

Whenever I look in the mirror
I see a reflection I don't recognize anymore.
But her eyes speak the truth.
Of the words her mouth can't utter.
Her heart feels the pain,
Of the thoughts she can no longer bear.

Who is she, then?

She is damned.
Her hair has never been her crowning glory.
She's always the one who's saying sorry--
No one ever dared to hear her story.
Of woes.

Broken,
Always the one loving,
But also the one who ends up hurting.
Breaking.

Rejected,
Giving things, people, a chance--to try,
Only to return with a meek cry,
At night.

Confused,
Always seeking for unquestionable answers,
To unanswerable questions.
She doesn't know, still, it boggles her mind.

Tired,
Of keeping things all inside her head,
All the feelings she left unsaid,
Unspoken, a wonder.

Afraid,
Lost in her own transition,
Her life seems to have no direction.
Unaccustomed, where should she be?

About to give up..
Losing it..

But she always remind herself to be strong.
She needs to be strong.
Her journey is still long.

The longing and the emptiness,
The nakedness and wrecked pieces of her,
She begs for more,
To make her numb.
For darkness to consume her,
To see the light.
For warmth to embrace her,
To wrapped her soul.
To never feel the same pain again.
To dry those tears in her eyes.
And never cry again.
Of woes.
But bliss. And love.
She longs,
Yes, of love.