After Thought // Chance Sutton

Chapter Fourteen

"It amazes me how he can break my heart, but I still love him with every little broken piece of it."

A/N: Heyyy awesome people! Thanks for 1.2K! I seriously appreciate it so much. I love y'all xo

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There isn't enough coffee in the world to get me through this day. Between the early morning meetings and interviews. I'm mentally and physically drained, all before 12 o clock in the afternoon.

The deadlines are haunting me, and every second I spend that I am not writing or filming something I feel utterly guilty. Those are the reasons I am who I am, yet I spend half my days confined to the walls of conference rooms. Soon it'll all be worth it, when If I Fall is playing on the big screen.

The little cafe across the street from Paradise is where I find my solace for the next hour. Finishing up some important emails, and working on some pages I had typed late last night.

I wanted to forget everything that happened yesterday. No matter how hard I try though, he's in my head stealing another piece of my heart and ripping it to shreds.

That's what it's like to lose somebody that was never yours.

"Lizzie! Hi!" I heard, ripping me from my thoughts.

"Erika, hey! Sorry I ran out on the party last night." I confessed, taking another sip of coffee.

"It's okay. I heard what happened." She spoke, taking the open seat next to me.

"Wait, really? How did you find out?" I asked.

"It's all Chance could talk about this morning. But I'm sure you don't wanna talk about that."

"Yeah, I don't. It's just too much- ya know?" I sighed.

"I understand, completely."

"You said you had questions yesterday?"

Her eyes brightened, "Yes! I did. I'm just so curious about everything. Like how did the idea of If I Fall come about? And why did you finally decide to get it published? In your youtube videos you had said you put it off for so long, why?"

"Well the idea came about in a dream, stereotypical really. But the ending I changed a million times until I finally got it right. And when I was living in New York, I was a intern and in college. I just wasn't happy with life. I worked so damn hard to change everything, it just wasn't enough. I only saw myself as a writer. Nothing else. Somebody once said, they don't write autobiographies about people who didn't make it."

She pondered in thought for a moment. "Change everything?"

"There's a reason there isn't many photo's from my past on the internet everywhere. Awhile back, I ran away from Ohio. And moved to Michigan with my aunt. There I changed everything that I could. Lost a whole bunch of weight, and dyed my hair pitch black."

"Are you happy now?"

"Theoretically, yeah. How about you?!" I asked, "what's it like being a model?"

We talked for a little while before I had to get back to Paradise and she had to get back to her photoshoot. It was nice to have some girl talk for once. I love Dylan to death, but having a girl as a friend is refreshing to me.

I got to spend another few hours signing contracts, and helping design the merchandise for my website. Weird to see my pen name plastered on t-shirts in sparkly gold lettering. It was a nice distraction from all the things going on in my head.

Sometimes being Lizzie Gold, is a whole lot easier than just plain Beth. It's a lot less pain. Sure the stress can be a little too much, but Lizzie Gold is a whole other person. One with less struggles.

She's fearless.

Beth? Not so much.

"We were thinking this cover, the paint splatter brings out the words." Amalee spoke, my trustee agent, and friend.

"I like it!" A voice from the back said.

The room turned their heads, to see Raxton Bayfield, the British CEO of Paradise Publishing. My eye's went wide. The man is a living legend, he started as a nobody with a simple idea for a start up.

Now? He's carrying the biggest authors, and selling the most books.

"Mr. Bayfield it's a pleasure to finally meet you," Amalee shuttered, taken aback by his presence as we all were.

"The pleasure is all my, I arrived to town last night, and there was all the buzz about Lizzie. Thought I'd come meet the super star myself." He spoke.

I gulped, "hi."

"Darling, I'm quite pleased with your sales. You've stayed on the number one list now for weeks. I've never seen something like that happen before," he explained.

"Thank you," I croaked.

I couldn't be more intimidated by his presence as he decided to sit on our meeting. Which was a boring one, just going over cover ideas for the second book. Which I am finally in the final stages of writing.

After the meeting he said his goodbye's and disappeared all to be a myth again. He lived up to his name, dashing for a man of his age, and utterly oozing wealth and power. This man has the power to control my entire being, if I let him.

On the ride home, I finally have my thoughts to myself. And think about the horrors of last night. Yet, I have no reason to be so mad. We aren't together. He's not mine. Hence why it hurts more and more.

"Woah," I say upon opening the door.

There is Chance, with a sympathetic look on his face, in my living room which is now filled with yellow roses. My favorite flower, he must have noticed that's what I brought my Mom that day at the graveyard.

"Before you kick me out, please just listen." He said, his brown hair messy, eye's tired from not sleeping.

"Okay, fine," I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm an idiot, I know that. But you were ignoring me, and I know that's no fucking excuse. I had way too much tequila and that girl was a distraction. She meant nothing to me."

"We aren't dating, you can do whatever you want." I sighed.

"I don't want to do whatever I want. I want you, us, everything we've both waited years for."

My eyes swelled with tears, and he stepped closer to me. Enough to make my heart flip inside of my body. "I-I don't know."

"Please Beth, I know this is what you want too. You're just scared. We both are. Be with me and I promise I'll never give you a reason to doubt me ever. Since that damn day in the library, you haven't left my head. And yeah, people say I've made it in LA. The money, the views, it doesn't mean a damn thing if I don't have you."

Heart and head.

Which do you listen too?

This time, my heart won. I closed the space between us and his warm embrace felt like home. I smashed my lips to his, and our bodies were like two magnets. A bond, a force to be reckoned with. He smelled of cologne and mint, and intoxicating scent.

"Finally," he breathed into my hair.

Whatever our souls are made of, I finally know, his and mine are exactly the same.