After Thought // Chance Sutton

Chapter Twenty One

A/N: I've had this written for a bit, but I'm shit and forgot to post it. Wow. Hope you enjoy! xoxo

"You will search for me in another person, I promise." 

-

Wanna know what's worse than losing someone? 

Feeling like you're losing them twice. I remember the day my Mom passed away like it was yesterday. She left for work, like normal, ran the restaurant and was a little later than usual because of the dinner rush. 

The days after were like a blur. My mourning period was spent in the depths of my room, with a sweater of hers wrapped around me. I could still smell her on it. And I'm sitting here, fast forward, in the same damn position. 

"Did you know?" I asked into the phone, knowing damn well what the answer is going to be. 

"Yeah, I did," my Dad said. 

"Why didn't you tell me? You let me be with Chance all this time, why? I don't get it?" My questions were pouring out. 

"There's more to the story kiddo. At first, I wouldn't have let you come with in a mile of that boy. But then things changed." 

"What kind of things Dad? I'm sick and tired of people hiding things from me, thinking it'll protect me. You know what? It won't." 

"It's not my place to tell you, it really isn't. Look, I like Chance a lot and despite what he did he's been good for you, after all this time he has. One day, you'll understand what I mean hun. I gotta get back to the restaurant. I'll talk to you later." 

"Dad- wait!" 

But just like that he hung up. 

And I'm alone with my thoughts again. Not knowing who to trust and who to believe. Chance was my everything, just like that, he's gone. Dylan to write down how I feel, that maybe it'll help. To be honest, how I feel about Chance doesn't deserve to live forever on a page. 

I never expected to fall in love with him the way I did, and I sure as hell didn't expect him to be the one who took my Momma's life. She was everything to me, and to still have my Dad and everyone else hiding stuff from me is ridiculous 

"Dylan," I knocked on his door. 

"Come in!" He said. 

Opening to see Jax and him sprawled across the bed, thankfully, still fully clothed. After all this going on, they've been sticking by each other's side. It's admirable really. "Jax, I have some questions." 

"I figured you would, eventually." Jax spoke, running a hand through his disheveled blonde hair.

"I'll give you guys some privacy, I'll be in the shower," Dylan said.

"Where you there? In the car?" I questioned, not wasting any time at all.

He nodded, "Yeah."

"Walk me through it, please."

"I don't think that's something you shouldn't hear from me, Liz. If you want to hear it at all," he sighed.

"I sure as hell don't want to hear it from Chance," I demanded.

"I'll tell you this. Chance relive's that night every time he looks in your eye's, after we crashed, he got to your Mom and he always says you guys had the same ones."

"Then why has he been with me all this time? If it was that painful?" I asked.

"Some people do crazy things for love. Wanna know a secret? I was supposed to go back to Ohio weeks ago. But I decided to leave, my brother, and that life behind because of how in love with Dylan I am. Chance loves you more than life itself, you just need to find somewhere in you to forgive him." He explained.

I cried, I couldn't help it. The thought of it all, it's some kind of trigger in my head. "Ya know, it's funny. My Mom used to say that some boys aren't worth your tears. And that you'll know when they're worth it when you're still crying days later."

"She was onto something."

After my days of sulking, I have to get back to reality. So I'm finally back at Paradise, writing, and shooting videos. It reminds me of the days after Chance and I's first encounter in the bathroom. When I realized, life is much more than sitting in your bed with a tub of Ben&Jerry's and a playlist of old youtube videos.

Amalie is thrilled about it, and Liam even more so.

Yet, distractions run through my head. Wondering if my own stubborness will get the better of me and ruin something that could have been the rest of my damn life. When I think about Chance, that's what I saw.

Traveling the world, a perfect wedding, kids, all of it. Maybe that was a little naive of me. Boy's break your heart, I shouldn't have expected less of Chance, but him being the reason my Mother is dead is a huge heart breaking if I've ever heard of one.

"You with us Liz?" Amalie asked, noticing me starring off into space. 

"I am," I nodded. 

Am I really though? I questioned, to myself. My head is somewhere else entirely right now. It's in Ohio, buried in the ground with my Mama. Sounds a bit morbid, however there's no way I can see true happiness right now. 

"Everything happens for a reason hun," Aunt Ronnie words flooded my phone screen. 

Do they? 

Thinking about it, if Chance never came into my life everything would be a thousand percent different right about now. I'd be in Ohio, probably in community college, helping with the restaurant. Instead, I'm in LA living the dream I didn't know I had. 

Upon returning home I notice Dylan is nowhere to be found, it's Friday, that means date night for those two. I perch myself on the couch, with a crappy bottle of tequila and some shitty lifetime television. 

Talk about a good night. 

Shot after shot, the pain eased away. And I was starting to feel a little more alive. Probably the alcohol talking, I called the one person I probably shouldn't. 

"I hate you," I sobbed. 

"Beth," Chance sighed. 

"The thing is, I really don't hate  you. Infact, it's the opposite. Why can't things be easy? Why did you have to do that?" 

"You don't know how sorry I am. If I could take that all back, I would. And I'll never be able to justify getting behind the wheel that night. But I'm not sorry for falling in love with you. I'm not sorry for being the reason you changed your life." He spoke.