After Thought // Chance Sutton

Chapter Twelve

"So here's my question: when you lose the most important person to you in the entire world, where is all the love - love you never even knew you were capable of - supposed to go?" -Ted Michael.

A/N: The quote above doesn't have anything to do with the chapter, but rather an important thought about everything that is going on in my head right now. A few days ago, I got my heart ripped from my chest from a boy, I spent way too long loving. One I made too many plans with, one I let hold my heart in his hands. It was a big ass mistake but I'll be okay. Life get's easier, I promise.

Enjoy this update, thanks for 700. :)

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Somehow after being stuck in a rut with my writing, I was out of it. And the entire time I was on my flight to New York from Ohio my fingers never left the keyboard. When I got back into my apartment, when I was supposed to be packing up the last few things I couldn't step away from my laptop.

It's been a few crazy days since I got back here. Between the writing, filming for youtube, and interviews I feel like my head is going to explode in the best way possible. Keeping myself busy is the best thing I can do because when I finally slow down that's when life becomes to real.

In about a week and a half Dylan and I are moving clear across the country, and are going to be truly on our own for the first time. Here we have family, people close to us that can help in times of need, but LA is another story.

"What about Chance?" Dylan asked, midst of our conversation about finally getting over to LA.

"What about him?"

"Are you going to see him?" He questioned, winking.

I shrugged, "I don't know maybe. I want too, but after everything that happened in Ohio I'm not sure if I should."

"What happened?"

So began an hour long, detailed, play by play of my trip to Ohio. The secret's that were poured, to the embraces Chance and I shared. And all the feelings that shred through my mind with in those days.

I want Chance, that's something I know.

But I am scared as hell.

"Why don't you tell him how you feel?" Dylan asked, sitting down next to me to offer a small hug.

"Maybe I'm just not ready."

"Not ready for what? To finally be happy?" He questioned.

"But I am happy, life is-" I started.

"You know that's not what I mean. Truth is, do you even think you'd be sitting here right now if it wasn't for him? Your life would be a hundred percent different."

"I understand, and at times I hate that."

Life is full of too many what ifs. What if I hadn't gone to that party, what if Abbi never cheated on Chance? Maybe I would have gotten to courage to publish a book on my own, maybe I wouldn't have.

"Lizzie. Whether it's fate, destiny, or just plain luck Chance is in your life for a reason. And maybe the only reason was to push you to become a writer. Or maybe you're destined to be together. You'll never know unless you figure it out," he explained. "Sure he made mistakes, but we all do."

He's right.

I can always depend on Dylan to drop a major truth bomb on me. But that doesn't help the million questions in my head, or my overall anxiety about it. To me life used to be black and white, now there are all the colors in the world and for some reason Chance is the brightest color of them all.

"Thank you Dyl, I don't know what I'd do without you." I confessed.

"Honestly, I don't know what I would do without you either."

With that, our New York apartment was all packed. The cramped space we somehow made our own, with all the small details in all the nooks and crannies. And it saddens me that in a few days, the stuff that used to fill this space is being shipped across the country.

Luckily for us, Paradise is letting us stay in one of their income properties in West Hollywood. That's something people can only dream of, and it's happening to Dylan and I. Yet, I still doubt myself on whether or not I can do this.

Sometimes life get's too hard to handle as it is, put a potential movie deal on top, writing the sequel, filming for youtube and it's all so hectic.

Finally, I go to settle into bed. It's late and my sleepiness should be taking over my body at this point. Yet I stare blank into the ceiling. And the only thing in my head is a pair of eye's, one's that are over two thousand miles away from me.

I do what I should be afraid to and dial his number.

"Beth?" Chance asked, his voice tired and deep. "It's like 3am there, you okay?"

"Yeah, I think I'm okay. I just couldn't sleep, did I wake you up?"

"No, you didn't. I can't seem to get to sleep either. I'm sorry I didn't text you today, I've been promoting all day."

"It's okay!"

"Wanna hear something funny?" He asked, and I can only imagine the grin on his face if only he were in front of me right now.

"Shoot."

"My friends don't believe me that I know you, they think I'm lying," he exclaimed.

"Wait, really? Why wouldn't they believe you?"

"Well Anthony said you're too hot to talk to me, which is kinda true."

Now I'm thanking god he's not in the same place as me, I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks. "Thanks I think?"

"You're blushing."

"Hmm? How could you possibly know that?" I questioned, suddenly getting a defensive tone to my voice.

"I know you Beth, and half the time you're around me I have you blushing."

"Totally not true!"

"Denial isn't just a river in Africa babe."

Fuck. Why does he have to know how much he affects me? And yet, he's far away from me and has me blushing and giggling like a damn schoolgirl all with in the same seconds. "I hate you," I chuckle.

"Sure ya do. So, why can't you sleep?" He asked.

"Lots on my mind, I guess. You?"

"Same here."

"Can I ask you something that has been bugging the hell out of me?"

"Of course."

"The other day at the graveyard. You said something about people being meant for each other, do you really believe in that? Dylan, Aunt Ronnie, and even Zara do. Yet I still don't know if I do or not."

"If I didn't believe in it, I wouldn't have said it."

And now I realize, that those what if's I was going on about earlier. Don't matter. If Chance Sutton and I are truly meant for eachother, and I didn't go to that party. The universe would have found another way to put us together.

"I miss you," I spoke, my words hurting.

I want him here, right now.

"A week and a half, right? That's all we have to wait."

It should be nothing, considering I spent three damn years waiting for him.