Depression **Doing Good, Read Final Chapter**

Hi

I suffer from depression.

I am not "depressed" 

Depression doesn't define me.

What defines me is that, I, Katie, am a human being, who will tell you the truth, and give an honest opinion. I can make jokes, and always laugh at yours. I give a lot of sympathy, and I LOVE Twenty One Pilots.

Depression doesn't define me, okay?

But, sadly, it is a part of me. 

It's there when I don't want it to be. 

It's always there.

It wont go away just because I take medicine, or I laugh once.

Little does everyone know, I'm always faking smiles, and pretending to be happy. After a couple years of doing it, I have figured out how to hide my sadness, unless I don't want to hide it.

I am 12 years old, and have suffered depression for two years.

Two years.

I can see myself, 10 years old, laying in my bed, crying, wishing I could go back in time because now is torture. 

"It's okay, it gets better!"

Bullshit. It will get better maybe one day. It's been two years and I've gone downhill in ways I can't imagine.

Just when I think it can't get any worse, it does.

I just felt like it was getting better, I've recovered from being in-patient at the hospital twice, but no.

My thoughts swallowed me whole and I cried. As I write this, I don't know how to feel happy. 

I feel like I felt it today, but I don't remember it. 

It's gone. 

It usually happens that way though. It always happens that way.