Depression **Doing Good, Read Final Chapter**

Escape

My depression has gotten stuck in between getting better and worse. I have several anxiety attacks everyday, which is a horrible feeling. If you've ever had an anxiety/panic attack, take that, multiply it by 4 and make it multiple times a day.

I hate it. My depression medicine has been upped to its highest dose and am now on a new medicine for anxiety. The size of the pill scared me, because its so small compared to the 200 milligram meds I take.

I've developed the habit to bite when I'm having anxiety. I have four different scabs on my wrists because I bit through my skin when I was having an anxiety attack. Not to mention how I'll end up tearing the scabs. 

They don't get it. I'm stuck in this world, where I thought I was getting better but it just stopped.

The times I envision razor blades being in my hands, or just death is outrageous. I haven't told people when those happen, because they're so quick and unexplainable.

Today, depression has come and seemed to just bite me in the ass when I least expect it. I got a 69% on my test, and I tried to be silly about it because "69" HAHAHHAHA, but I just fell emotionless, and people asked me what was wrong like they actually cared.

A friend of mine tried to cheer me up with her grade (before I told her mine) And she got a 72% which of course was higher than mine. It didn't work. I wasn't sad, I wasn't much at all. I was just there emotionless, wanting to cry, but couldn't.

I only had one friend who understood. She didn't continue asking me "WHAT's wRONG??" She sat with me and let me just kind of rest my head on her shoulder or whatever. She was there, and that's all I need, and people think they can talk me through it. Not what I usually need.

I want to thank you, Alex for being my best friend, and always knowing how to help. If you see the thotties who see me sad and pretend like they actually care start to bother me, you step in and help. 

I wish I was able to be as helpful to you as you are to me.