KEEL THE DEMONSLAYER

12 - On the Shores of the Divine Lake of Kiv

When I once again had to confront my feelings - joy and pain. The pain, the pain...

The preparations for the attack were quick, only three weeks. We left Hostenoist Mountain, took care of final preparations on the shores of beautiful Lake Kiv (also known as the Heavenly Lake) and then finally moved towards the Three Peaked Mountain.

Before leaving Lake Kiv, many of us had the chance to confer and exchange a few last words.

Scarlett and I had a talk we've been avoiding for many years. Of our seven children, only one was still alive and I felt remorse for the children who died in battle under my command. I was afraid she would blame me.

"I guess it's too late to learn why you avoided me all these years, said Keel".

I lied "you know the answer: my heart is hardened. I live for battles and not to seek affection".

"It's sad to see that you've become more and more like our enemies. Cold and bloodthirsty".

"This is the life of a warrior. I wish I were born in times of peace. Things could be diferente".

Scarlett's eyes filled with tears, she struggled not to cry. This time, more than all the other times, she knew I would not return from combat. I also felt it. She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

"I know Balcatemi will lead you into the most difficult and dangerous battles. Promise me one thing, it is my last wish".

"Tell me".

"Promise you will take care of our daughter. Promise me you will also seek out your sister. And that you'll take care of your children with Jilija, the twins. She knows where they are".

"My sister? She knows of Jilija's children's whereabouts?"

"Look for them in Nish. Promise me".

"Why do you want me to look for our daughter? My sister? And Jilija's children?"

"They are your children too! You must do so Keel, you don't understand, because if you don't, you will soon be one of them. You'll be a demon. Is that what you want? You fought so many years against them. So in the end you become like them?"

"If this is your last wish... I promise you. I'll look for them".

Scarlett had gone away. She and Forthálik were needed for battle preparations. Each group had a role to play. I was sleepless and later in the night, before daybreak, I was approached by another who was sleepless—Shasticara.

It was a beautiful night and the calm lake reflected the light of the large moons on its surface.

"Keel?" Her voice touched my ears and my heart raced. After all this time my feelings for her were still there, buried under blood, battles and a collection of bad feelings, love and desire remained deep inside. Perhaps Scarlett was mistaken. Maybe my heart wasn't so cold.

"Shasticara? I didn't expect to talk to you before tomorrow".

"I know that is not appropriate, but ..." She hesitated. Her hair was long and tied behind the head. But the memory of her hair short and unkempt was still strong. Her eyes sparkled and her lips were still so appealing.

"What?"

"I came to ask for your forgiveness".

"Forgiveness? How so? I don't understand... Perhaps I should say that myself".

"I apologize for not being truthful with you; I apologize for having my feelings denied. For not..."

"Shh..." I approached her "that's okay. We can't change the past".

She held my hand "After all these years, you still? I mean...have feelings for me?"

"Yes, they never faded. Perhaps, on some occasions, they went away, but found their way back".

"I hated myself all of these years; I hated my husband, and our time together was of great bitterness, all this time, only bitterness".

"We share a similar fate".

"Death is upon us, dear Keel. I wish I could go back... I wish I had the courage to get together with you. I love you with all of my being. I never really loved my husband. It was an arranged marriage, but I felt I could never dishonor my family. But now that we face the worst battle? What should we do, love Keel?"

That was enough talk. We hugged and kissed for some time. After a while, we realized we both cried with joy. But joy and sorrow were very close. We had little time before leaving for the final battle. By then, sleep was not an option. We made love and it was an intense experience. Sometimes I think about the justice of the Gods and I wonder if someday we will be allowed a second chance. It is a vain hope, because what I learned about the Gods is that you can't escape the cycle of eternal suffering.

What a terrible paradox! What would have been worse? To die without touching Shasticara? Or embracing her and then losing her? Even after my death, and many other misfortunes, this is a question that troubles me. The worst of all my doubts in existence.