QUICK IMPORTANT ANNOUNCMENT!!!!
i CHANGED SALLY'S NAME TO KATHERINE.
I don't know where it came from, but I am sick of this name. I really don't know why. No offense if your name is Sally.
Back to story.
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My dearest Katie,
I love you, my little sunshine. The day you were born, I was the happiest man alive. The first time I saw your face, I knew that I would never be abled to not love you. Your smile could light up the world.
I hope you never have to read this letter. This letter will only be given to you, when I have passed away, and I hope that this won't happen until you're at least 40. My time just hasn't come yet. I need to see you getting married and maybe giving me some grandchildren.
But I don't want to swell on this.
Just keep in mind, that I really love you. Present tense. I will always be with you and I know that your mother and Harry will take good care of you. I will, too. I don't know what will expect me after I am gone, but I won't let anything get me from staying with you and watching over you. You're my little girl. I can't let you get hurt.
If there should be something that will keep us apart, keep the ones who love you and the ones, who make you feel good close. They will take care of you, but don't rely on them too much. You are a strong girl and don't let your happiness depend on other people. It should also come from yourself.
I will always love you,
Dad.
--Kate--
I always thought of my father as the wisest man in the world. He always knew what to do and how to deal with things and always had some good advice.
But with one thing he was wrong.
Harry did not take care of me, and I did get hurt. By that one Harry.
I guess, my father never saw that one coming, and neither did I. But I can't just blame Harry, since it kind of was my fault, too.
I did let go of him.
Wow, how cliché that sounds.
But it is true, though. He surely made the first step by leaving me behind, just so he could be friends with the cool kids, but I never put any effort in keeping contact.
It is saturday and I have no plans. Usually I would work at the bookstore, but I don't work there anymore. . . I should look for a new job. It's been more than two months now, that I have no job. College won't get paid by itself. I sigh to myself.
Fine.
I turn on my computer and surfe through the internet looking for a job. That's when there's a ring at the door.
Uhm, okay?
I open the door and Logan's standing there.
Didn't talk to him for a week.
"Hi." He says.
". . .Hi." I say lamely. "What do you want?"
"Hanging out with you, of course." He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Don't you have friends for that?" I reply tired.
"Yes, I have, that's why I'm here." He says casually.
Okay, even if I didn't want friends, it kind of warms my heart, that he still considers me as kind of friend, even if I didn't talk to him for a week.
"Do I want to come in? Yes, thanks." He says and walks right pass me.
"Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be mad at me or something?"
"Mad at you? Why would I?"
"Because I didn't talk to you and let you walk to school."
"Oh, that. I just thought you were going through . . . you know. that time."
"'that time'?" I ask.
"You know, that week once a month. . .?"
"My period." I state and he cringes but nods. Why would he think that anything's wrong? I don't know. I just hoped that he'd even if he thought that i was on my period, which I wasn't by the way, that he'd ask if there was something wrong.
". . . yeah. . . Anyhow, now that a week is over, I figured that it would be over, so it'd be safe to come here. What are you doing?"
"I'm looking for a job."
"Ooh, that's cool, I need one, too." He says and flops himself on the sofa as if nothing had happened.
"Well, then you should probably look for one." "On your own." I add when he doesn't show any intentions of leaving.
"Wait, are you still on you--"
"Stop this. I am not and haven't been on my period. Not now and not last week. I just don't want you around!"
"Kate, what's wrong?" He asks, his voice full of concern.
His concern really is touching. What even is my problem? I want someone to care about me, and Logan cares. He even gave me space. Kind of. Sort of. And now that he cares I don't want him to care.
Why am I so afraid of making friends? Why is the idea of it so repelling me?
No, it isn't repelling me. I do want people to care. I also want to care about people. I just don't want them to leave me and my care unappreciated and forgotten.
"I think it is time for you to tell me what happened." Logan says.
"Something happened?" I ask trying to change the subject.
"Come on, Kate. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"No, I don't. What do you even want to hear?"
"How about you tell me why you completely ingnored me last week?"
"Will you leave me alone after it?"
"If that's what you want."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Fine." I agree.
I tell Logan that it was my fathers birthday and that this time was different from last time. It was like a whole that swallowed me, and this time it was harder than last to to kind of survive it. And somehow all this talking led to me telling him about Harry. That we were once the bestest friends and now don't even talk. I even told him about me being uncapable of trusting people and that I don't know why I am talking to him so often at the moment. The I also said that I maybe just need to tell someone, to let it go. I like this. He's a good listener, Logan. It felt freeing, getting it all off my chest. I never expected it. The only person I thought could make me feel like this was either Harry or my Dad. I notice that I like this feeling.
Afterwards, Logan is silent. Like, really silent. He doesn't say a thing. It's kind of scary.
"Logan?" I ask.
"Yeah?"
"I know you promised to leave me alone, but. . ."
"But what?" He asks sleepily.
I must've bored him to sleep with my rambling. But he stayed. Even if he's bored. I realize. I want a friend. In fact, I need one.
"Do you want to be my friend?" I ask insecure.
"Kate, don't be silly." My heart drops. "I already am your friend." He adds sleepily before falling asleep.
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Okay. So this story is slowly beginning to roll .. roll? Idk. But there'll be something happening, soon!! Promise.
I hope you have no problem with me changing the name.
Til the next time,
Marjo x
