Seven Days

Day Six

Day Six

6:50 am; April 7, 2012

Evan's room

I groan, wriggling a little on the bed. But when I feel that someone is holding me on my waist, I almost freak out. Who's this person? Where did I fall asleep? This type of question goes on and on until I hear him groan.

"Baby girl, what are you doing?" Evan ask sleepily. Oh, so it's Evan I sleep with.

It's Evan I sleep with?

Oh my gosh. It's Evan I sleep with!

I jerk up in an instant, making his arm fall off to my side. What happened last night? I don't remember the two of us getting inside here.

"Baby girl?" he queries. I turn to face him, smiling awkwardly. I don't really look good whenever I wake up. Usually, my face is a bit swollen from all the sleeps. I feel him sit up. "Baby girl, are you okay?"

I just nod. Then I scurry away out of bed. But before I can even run outside the room, a hand stops me right away.

"Where are you going?" Evan asks.

"Uh... Uh...." I trail off because really, I don't have exactly an idea where I'm going as well. "The bathroom?" I say but it comes out more of a question than a statement.

He chuckles. "Come on, baby girl. It's only like five before seven am. It's too early to get up. Let's go back to sleep." He pulls me back to the bed.

I've been noticing that he's been calling me baby girl everytime he calls me. I can even count now how many times he has called me for the last five minutes.

I lay back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He scoots a little closer to me, wrapping his arm to my waist. His head nestling in the crook of my neck. He's been sweeter today than the other days I was here. What's going on?

"Evan?" I call him out. I want to know what's he thinking right now.

"Hmm?" he mums.

"What are you thinking?" I ask. Before, he usually like to ask me that question after a fight. He wanted to know if I was really okay or I was just lying that for us to make up. Even though we only talk through exchanges of words, he can still figure out if I'm not okay. That's one thing I love about him.

He nuzzles my neck, making me sigh. "I'm thinking about you," he says.

And to say that I don't blush to that is an understatement. I can feel my ears burning. My cheeks are a little warm up as well. Oh gosh, the magic of this guy is so amazing. I wonder how he can make me feel so special even though he doesn't like me.

"I'm thinking about what will happen after you leave tomorrow," he adds. He is still burying his face in my neck; it tickles me a little. "I'm thinking about what can I do to stop you from going away. I'm thinking about..." he stops. His embrace tightens on me. "I'm thinking about... what ifs... possibilities..."

"What ifs? Possibilities? What do you mean?" I ask. I put my arm above his.

"What if I came to like you like how you like me? What are the possibilities of being in a relationship with you? I don't really see myself in a relationship, but after you say that you love me... It made me think of those things," he explains. "I wish I can love you like how you love me, but I can't."

A stray tear falls from my eyes in an instant. Hearing him say that he can't love me back breaks my heart even more. I know that already and I'm very aware of it, but still, it hurts so bad.

Tomorrow, I have to go. This might be the start of the closure. Closure always feels like this. You go reminisce; think of all the good and bad things that happened between the two of you. Then you think of possibilities. And lastly, the goodbyes. The kind of forever goodbye, hoping that someday there is a way for your paths to cross again without thinking of the past.

I never think of my past as liabilities. My past--the sad ones--are the reasons why I'm stronger right now. Those are the reasons why I'm still standing on my feet and thinking that something great will happen.

"Stay, Charlie," Evan says. He looks at me in the eyes. "Will you please... Stay with me, baby girl?"

I'm surprised that he will ask that question. That has never crossed my mind. For one, he doesn't like me like that and two I don't think we're that friends anymore.

I don't know. I'm a little confused with what's going on between the two of us for the past days. I mean, who kisses someone who broke your heart, right? Who says he doesn't like you but keep on kissing you, hugging you, showing affection to you like you're so important for him? Evan's confusing.

"Baby girl--"

"I'll think about it first," is all I say. I get up but he stops me.

"Why do you have to think about it? I thought you love me," he says.

I laugh with no humor, taking his hand off of me. "Yes, I love you. But do you? Do you love me? For all I know, you don't even like me more than just a friend. So why do I have to stay? Why you're making me stay?" I blurt, a little mad at him now. He's acting like nothing's going on with me; my feelings.

We are just staring at each other. His brown eyes lingers more to my ordinary black ones until he averts his eyes, saying, "I don't."

"See? And you're asking why do I have to think about it first? Well, it's because you don't love me. I do want to stay here with you, but it's my loss, you know. I have the one who has feelings for you. I'm the one who'll get hurt over and over again everytime I will see you with another girl on your bed."

He gasps, wide eyes. I thought he's going to say something when he opens his mouth, but then he closes it and just stare at me.

"Yes, I saw you the night you had someone with on your bed. The reason why I decided to sleep outside on the cold hard ground," I continued. I snift. I hate crying especially in the morning. "Evan, you're unfair for telling me to stay."

I look down as my eyes tear up. It's already sinking into me that this is the second to the last day that I'm going to see him; talk to him; be mad at him. Because after tomorrow, it's goodbye for good. And that means I should move on and forget my feelings to him. I have to forget that smile I got used to for the last five days. The laugh that I thought would always be on repeat. The way he looks at me, how he touches me... Everything.

I have to let it go and move on.

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Last two more chapters and this story is done. :)