Seven Days

Day Four

Day Four

April 5, 2012; 9:45 am

Evan's house, in the kitchen

"I didn't know you two know each other," Evan says as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

"I didn't know you drink coffee," is what I say instead.

"Hmm." He just gives me a soft mum.

I grab the newspaper--it's dated yesterday--to keep myself busy. I just have to act natural. If Evan can keep the act of like nothing happened, so can I.

"Where'd you go yesterday?" he asks. He sits across from mine. "And Alex told me you two met each other outside--oh, that's yesterday's paper, by the way."

"Yeah, we have. His a funny guy," I say, looking at some article. "I just tour around. Might as well enjoy my stay here by visiting some places," I add, still not looking at him.

There is a pause for a while. I know the silence is killing me. It seems like, it's killing both of us.

"Do we have a problem?" Evan asks now. I just know he can't resist asking that question. He's always the one to notice if something is wrong.

I shrug, flipping the newspaper to the other page. "You tell me," I say nonchalantly.

"Charlie--"

"Evan, chill," I say with a twitching smile.

He shakes his head. "You are not okay. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing."

"Charlie," he says, almost between the lines of tell me now or we'll fight again and okay, if you say so.

"Why do you always ask that?" I ask, glancing at him through my eyelashes.

"The what?"

"The what's wrong? You're doing the reverse psychology thingy on me again."

"Again?"

"Yeah. You always did that before."

"Alright." He stands up and goes to my place. "Something is up. Tell me," he says sweetly.

I stare at him. My tummy's doing somersault. The butterflies have already taken off. He's showing off his gloriousness again, of course.

He's about to get my hand but I abruptly stand up and walk out. "Nothing is wrong," I say.

"I know there is," he says, grabbing my hand in time before I can walk out.

I pry him off and stare at him blankly. Crossing my arms over my chest, I ask, "Is there? Tell me, then."

I know the mocking tone in my voice is irritating him. His jaw is fix, he's clenching and unclenching his fist; I can tell he is getting mad now.

"What's our problem?" I ask.

He sighs, shaking his head and returning back to sit. "You are sometimes unbelievable, Charlie," he comments.

That kind of tone--the fine-you-don't-want-to-talk-about-it kind of tone piss me off and pull me down the edge.

I burst out. "You know what's wrong, Evan?" I walk closer to him. "You are too naive of the situation. You don't notice when I'm getting hurt..."

"I do notice that," he snaps at me.

"Oh yeah? You do, huh."

"Yeah, I do," he stands up now, "but you always find a way to divert it elsewhere. You don't want to talk about it whenever I ask you."

"Because you're unfair!" I shout at his face. "You're unfair, Evan. You keep doing all those sweet little gestures even though you said that this is nothing! You are so unfair for leading me on. You are unfair for making me fall deeply in love with you." I keep on shouting, jabbing my index finger to his bare chest. I'm crying already; one thing I hate about myself when I'm angry.

"Charlie..." His voice is softer and calmer now. "I--"

"And don't you dare say you're sorry, because you're not." I wipe my tears before walking out of the kitchen. I go to the guest room instead to his room where I've slept for one night. I'm just going to remember what I've seen last night if that's where I go.

I know now what should I really do... that is to get out of his life for good.

Can I do it this time? Now that I've seen him face to face? Can I finally say to him goodbye personally without getting hurt so much?

Can I?

There is a knock on the door and the pleading makes my tears to flow uncontrollably.

"Charlie, please. Let's talk. Talk to me," Evan says.

How awkward this situation is. It's like Taylor Swift's song The Other Side of the Door.

"Charlie, I'm so wrong for leading you on. Believe me, I didn't intend to do that. It's just how who I am to everyone... to every girl..."

To every girl... Damn, that hurts.

"I wish there is something I can do to make you unlike me..."

Then I yank the door open, glaring at him with tears in my eyes. I ask, "How can I unlove you?"

He's staring straight in my eyes and I'm staring right back at him. There is nothing in his eyes, though. Only apologetic look.

"Evan, the real reason I came here is for closure," I say. I calm down now. "I just want to move on already... to forget the pain I've been through. Because you know what? It's too much already." I wipe my tears, looking anywhere but him.

"Charlie--"

"But you know what? When I saw you for the first time and you're this sweet guy all over again, I just don't want it to end. I know to myself that this is wrong... that coming here with you is a mistake because I shouldn't get attached to you all over again, but I ignored that thought and just go on with what I'm feeling. That I want to be with you even just for a few days." I give little punches on his chest, crying. "I love you that it hurts too much already."

He pulls me in a hug, tighter than usual. I fight back, trying to push him away but he holds on tight. I give my all but then I feel tired and just give up.

I just cry in his arms. He's not saying anything; just rubbing my back soothingly, which really helps to calm me down.

I don't know for how long I'm luck that until he asks me, "Are you okay now?"

I simply give him a little nod. But he doesn't let me go. He still keeps me in his arms like I'm vulnerable person that will eventually break if he let go.

"Do you want some water?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"Do you want to get some rest?"

I shake my head again.

He sighs. "Do you--"

"Is there a point in your life that you feel something special for me?" I ask out of nowhere, cutting him off.

He breathes in, resting his head on top of mine and hugging me tight. "I don't recall, but I think there is..." he trails off.

I bury my face in his chest. He smells like evergreen and... after sex? What does after sex smell? It's something like sticky and sweat and kisses, I think.

"I love you, Evan," is I say before I feel my body give up on me and everything goes blank.

---

And I can't help but tear up in this chapter. Who's with me?

This story is almost over. Already? Yeah. This is just a short story.

Anyway, feel free to leave your thoughts down there.

xx jules