Seven Days

Day Seven

Day Seven

9:08 am; April 8, 2012

Last day at Evan's

I already pack my things the night before. Evan is still sleeping beside me. He looks like a baby. Like he doesn't have anything going on in his mind. Like I'm not about to leave.

I slowly get out of bed and get dress. Maybe this is the closure that I can only get.

"You're really leaving now?" I hear Evan asks.

I just nod as I put on my cardigan.

"Can't I really stop you?"

I shake my head.

He gets out of his bed and heads towards me. "Charlie, you're the only one who sticks with me this long. Stay, please."

I don't say a word. I pry him off of me and head out. This is our goodbyes. Even if I want to stay, I can't. I don't want to get hurt any longer. I have to think of myself even just for once. I have to ignore my feelings and go on with what my mind wants. This is the desicion I have to take. And this is the best for both of us.

I go out of his house and starts to walk to where I parked my car on the first day I got here. It's just nearby.

"Charlie!" Evan calls. "Charlie, will you please look at me? Please. Even for the last time."

Don't look back, Charlie. You're just going to hurt yourself, I tell myself. So I just stand there.

"Charlie, I don't know what would I do without you. Please, look at me. Please," he begs. It breaks my heart to make him beg.

"I'm sorry, Evan. But this just how it's going to be. We have to say our goodbyes. The forever kind of goodbye." I swallow the sob that is about to escape my lips. "I can't stay."

"Is it because I can't love you back? I can learn, Charlie. Please stay."

I have to stand my ground. I shouldn't look back because that will only make me think twice. I've made my desicion. I have to bid my goodbye.

"I'm sorry, Evan. I love you so much. And I'll love you forever. Thank you for all the things you've done. Thank you for getting me back in writing poems. You are my muse and will always be. I love you and I'm going to miss you," I say, my back still turn towards him.

I don't hear him say a word for a few seconds. Then he says, "I love you, Charlie."

That stops all the things running in my mind.

"I didn't say it earlier because I want you to stay because of your own will. But if saying that I love you will stop you from going, there, I said it. I love you, Charlie. Please stay."

It sounds so real. But still.

"I'm sorry, Evan." My heart says go but my mind says no. It's complicating everything but I know Evan just says that and not really meaning it. "Goo..." I almost choke on my own word. "Goodbye."

I start to walk. This is it. The kind of forever goodbye has finally come. I have to let him go now. I have to forget my feelings for him.

But I don't know what has got into my mind. I say not to look back, but I did. Sad thing? Evan's already walking to the other direction. And definitely away from my life already.

Please look back. Please look back, I pray in my head.

I count from ten...

nine...

eight...

Please, Evan.

seven...

six...

five...

four...

three...

Evan, look back. I kind of hope he will and he will see me looking at him and he will know that I want to stay.

two...

But when it comes down to one...

He doesn't look back. And I just watch his retreating figure away... away from me... away from my life forever.

He gave me reasons to stay. He asked me to stay but I only ignored those things. I wish I can take it back. I wish I can reverse that night we bid each other goodbye. But sadly, I can't. And I never will.

The end.

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And this is the end. Short? I know. But that's what the story is. A short piece.

Anyway, thank you for reading. I hope you get something from this and not just tears. :)

xx jules