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insomnia.
i lay awake as i contemplate my existence. questioning the reason i was born. my purpose of being alive. why am i here? does anyone love me? why do i constantly feel lonely? why do i feel empty inside? all these questions i have that don't have an answer.
is there a god? because if there is one he surely hasn't been listening to me late a night crying or the late nights where i'm in my bathroom cutting myself to the point i can't see anything but red.
i hate that i have a constant reminder of how i'm a failure. to look in the mirror is torture. i have to look at what i am, what i've become. the person i despise the very entity i am. i look in the mirror and see a ugly being that has nothing to offer.
the feeling of sadness isn't new to me as the world just fades to black. i never get to lay down and take a nap and escape the reality where i'm nothing but a bundle of sadness. a black orb surrounded by negative energy.
i used to rule my dreams. i'd imagine myself as the happiest person everyone loved instead of the depressed person everyone despises. now that i can't go to sleep without waking you every 10 minutes i'm saddened that i'll never get to escape this terrible reality i live in.
i ask myself why, why i have i done this to myself? i want to be better. i want to be happy. but deep down i know i will never get to smile again for i have a permanent frown tattooed on my face.
i hate being alone. alone with my thoughts. my bad thoughts. i keep tossing and turning in my bed. i look at the time 6:08 a.m. wow i might as well get up and do my homework.
