Alone

What We Don't Have

She wasn't here today. Or yesterday. Or the day before. Noelle has been gone all week. Everyday I look out my window but I never see her. And I can't help but wonder who was getting arrested? Who was the man? Is Noelle okay? I have so many questions. Noelle ran into her house so it's obvious she doesn't want me to know about this. Or maybe she's embarrassed. I guess I miss her. I would talk to her everyday before that night. I never noticed how often we were together. I even started walking to my classes with her. Now that I think of it we are friends. Or were friends. I'm not sure.

It's a hot day in October and I'm sitting on the sidewalk with Alex and Nathan. Were eating push pops from the food truck outside the school. "What do they have that we don't?" I hear Alex say at I notice the popular guys hanging out with the popular girls. "Good bodies," I reply. "My mom said that girls like boys who are funny and looks don't matter." Alex adds on. "But your not funny." Nathan says with his push pop in his mouth. "We should try to date girls that are like the sexy librarian type. Takes off her glasses and boom," Alex advises us. "That's Noelle," I say. No one responds. We sit in comfortable silence.

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It's been a whole week without her here. Tomorrow is Halloween. People have parties and I was hoping that maybe she would invite me to one. I'm getting ahead of myself. We weren't even that close of friends, so why would she choose me out of 194 other boys to ask. And if I'm not geeky enough I calculated and estimated and found out the approximate amount of boys in our grade. And I subtracted Josh out of that. There are other boys in older grade but I assume that they're not going to date a freshman.

I'm walking home today, Monday, all alone because Alex is in physics club and Nathan does tutoring. Gosh even when I think to myself I sound like a geek. Well this time my friends are the geeks.

I get home and I walk up the stairs to my apartment. I take out my key and unlock the door. All of my junk falls out of my front pocket in my backpack. On the ground lies a broken Star Wars keychain, loose gum that I never got around to chewing, and flash card a folded into fourths. I open it up remembering the day Noelle wrote it to me. It was in computer science and this guy was showing his web page he created and he used the word phenomenal almost a hundred times. But he pronounced it so precociously. It sounded like he was trying to say falafel. Noelle and I would not stop cracking up and at the end we were supposed to give your opinion on the website Noelle write 'phenomenawful' on a flash card, folded it and handed it to me.

I find myself always thinking about her. I think I'm being creepy. But at this point I'm worried about her. It's she hurt? Oh god is she in the hospital? I'm always jumping to conclusions I'm sure she's fine. I wish I had her phone number so I could call her. I can't get my homework done I'm so worried. I feel so obsessed. I don't want to be one of those guys that is super obsessed with a girl and gets kind of stalkerish. So I decide to focus on geometry not Noelle.

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It's Halloween. I'm standing out side the hallway before school starts. Alex, Nathan and I are all wearing Halloween costumes. I know it's silly but this is probably our last year so we want to make the most out of it. "Oh great." Alex says. I look up. How fun. It's Allan and Josh. "What are you for Halloween?" Allan says in a rude tone. "I would assume you dressed up but you look like a girl as usual so..."

"Piss off," I interrupt him. "What did you say," Allan puts his hand on the wall to corners me. "Are you looking for a fight?" I shake my head no. "I've always wondered what it was like to fight a girl." Allan says to me. "I'm a girl, fight me." We hear a calm but oddly protective voice. My eyes widen and Allan and Josh turn around. It's her. She back. "Freak," Allan softly screams to Noelle as they walk away. "I'll get you when your freak girlfriend isn't here." He looks at us sharply. "We're not dating asshat." Noelle screams back.

"You know, you didn't have to do that. I was fine. I can handle him." I tell Noelle not wanting my first time seeing her in a week be me being a wimp. "I know," she says to me.
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It's night now. All the people at my school go to parties or whatever. I'm going out trick or treating. I know I'm probably to old but screw that I want free candy. It's my last year so doing this so I want to have fun. I'm going as the right to bear arms and I'm just dressed normally but I have in fake bear arms. Cheesy right. I'm going with Nathan and Alex. Nathan is in a hot dog suit. He's worse then me. It's a legit big plushy hot dog. His body is the meat part and the plushy part is around him as the but. Alex didn't dress up. We meet up on Nathans street and we actually have a lot of fun. Around 9 people just kinda stopped Halloween. They all just turn out their lights and don't answer the door. We decide to go back to my apartment and sort out our candy as usual. When we get there I take off my bear hands so I can pull out my key. I hear some screeching coming for a car. We all turn to look. I get hit in the chest. I stumble back. It's hot. Really hot. It hurt. A lot. It lands on my feet and splatters open. Then the smell it me. It a bag of shit. Set on fire. Flaming bag of shit. Nathan and Alex back away quick. I look at the van skidding away. One of the back doors fly open. I see Ronald. He shuts it quickly because the van is moving pretty fast. I can't believe it. Ronald threw flaming dog shit at me. He was my best friend. All of this hits shit me at once (pun intended) and I try to keep my eyes for watering. My friend did this to me. I just sit down covered in dog shit. This is all kind of a blur when my friends help me up the stairs. I'm in the shower and they are gone. I start to cry. I don't cry often. I don't like to cry. People tell me it makes me less of a man. I think that's sexist but I get what they are trying to say. I turn of the water. I plan to go where I always go when I feel like this. The comic book store. Dr. Comics and Mr. Games. They are always open late and it's only around 9:30. I go in there and look at the new action figures they have. The owner, Mark, knows me. "Hey Sam, we just got some new Captain America comics if you wanna check those out." I head over there and thank him. My phone buzzes. Mom: "Where r u? One of ur friends came looking 4 u."
I bet it was Ronald. He probably wants to apologize. I don't want to talk to him. I can't stand to think of this right now. I'm just so angry. The door swings open in the comic book store and I don't bother to look up until I hear a familiar voice. "Sam I've been looking for you are you okay?" Noelle asks me. I put the comic down and look up. "Noelle?"
"Yes?" She walks over to me and sees the tears in my eyes. I blink trying to hide them but then a tear just runs down my cheek. I clench my teeth and swallow my spit. She hugs me. I just start to cry. I keep trying to hold back my tears so they just roll off my face quietly. She lets go of me and it looks like her eyes are watering up. I wipe my nose. "Do you know?" I ask her. "About Ronald?" She asks back. I nod. "Alex texted me about it. I tried texting you but you didn't respond so I came over to your house and your mom said you were there. She told me that you came here a lot so..." she kind of trails off, "I'm sorry. Do you need anything?" She's so kind. I shake my head. I can't believe she came.