Alone

Then He Opens His Mouth

Noelle's POV

People say you decide how you feel about someone in the first 10 seconds. Then your idea of them is based off that initial thought. I don't know if that's true. But they also say a girl decides if she wants to jump your bones with in the first 10 seconds of meeting. I'm not sure if that's true either. But it applied to me when I first saw me crush. It was science class and I was all alone. This boy walks in with dark brown, almost black, hair with ringlet curls. He has almond eyes that are hazel. That's when I realized that I liked him. As luck would have it he sat down next to me. We talked. A lot. I got in trouble for talking to much. But I liked him. He made me laugh. We were so similar. But also so different, which I believe is a good thing. Every thing about him is great. He doesn't go by his full name. I don't know why but saying his full name makes him more attractive. I know I'm weird. But at least I'm not normal. People who don't know me think I'm normal. They judge me by the clothes I wear, the way I have my hair, and it's literally the definition of judging a book by its cover. Why have to cover if you're not supposed to judge it. Our brains make automatic judgments about people. If it didn't every new person we talked to we'd ask what language they spoke. We wouldn't assume it is English in England. Or Spanish in Spain. Portuguese in Portugal and so on. So there are some necessary judgments. But back to my original point. In the first 10 seconds of seeing my crush, I knew I loved him. He was in a all of my classes. Me and my friends have code names for our crushes. Mine is asprin. Yes like the medication. I know it's a bad name but it stuck. And I constantly think about him. A better name would have been heroin. Get it cause he's addicting. I think about him a lot. I have spent half of my life day dreaming. The other half I've been asleep, so also dreaming. I love to dream.
I dream about asking him out. I've got nothing to loose. Maybe a friendship I guess. But we're not even that close. I think I'm gonna do it. Yeah, maybe I'll really do it this time.

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I slam my locker door shut. I've plotted out my route to asprin. After I got to my locker I take the short cut to his. In my mind I picture his curls. And his freckles. But when I turn my head I don't see curls or freckles. I see a head of long greasy hair with an acne ridden face. "What do you want," I exclaim. I'm tiered of him. He does to much. "Bruh, Noelle, hey can I ask you som'in'?" He asks me. "As long as it's not will you suck my dick," I say trying to walk away. He corners me. I feel his hot breath on my forehead. He towers over me. I wrinkle my nose at the smell of hot dog water coming from his mouth. "Uh, it's close. Wanna go out some time," I notice he is high as he says that. "Very funny Adrian." This could only be a joke. "Nah I'm seriously bruh," he replies. "How about no, bruh." I can't believe this guy. "Meet me at bus 13." He persisted. "I think I'll pass," I say trying to get away. He puts his arms on the lockers boxing me in. "I'm not sure if you heard me right," he says to me. I feel my pulse moving faster. "Get out  of my way." I say sternly. "Not till you say yes." What a dick. I slide down and run through the gap between his legs. The perks of being small. I don't look back I just walk and fast as possible. When I get to Asprin's locker he's gone. I have next class with him but I can't ask him out in class.

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Sam's POV
Lunch is finally over. I get to go to history class with Noelle. I walk in and the air is warm and smells like chocolate. I sitting down and a moment later I notice Noelle sit next to me. "Hi Sam," I respond with a hey but she's already greeting her other friends. "Hi Alexia, hi Miguel." I hear her say. She starts s conversation with Alexia. They are popular and I'm not. Never invited to that conversation. We start to do our history work and the time flows by so quick. At the end of the class I see Miguel pull Noelle to the side. "Wanna hang out sometime." He says to her. "Yeah I'm hanging out with Rye and Enzo tomorrow wanna come?" She says in response. "No I meant like as a date." My heart stops. I hope to god that she won't say yes. But as she responds Nia starts to scream something. I don't know what she said back.

••••
NOELLES POV

How did it get to 3 am? I wish that I could close my eyes and fall asleep but it never happens. And I know when I wake up I'll have bags under my eyes and I use concealer but they'll still notice. I have my movies for nights like this. I really only watch 3 movies. Logan. Fight club. Moonrise kingdom. Logan is because of my uncle. We were close. He was an escape. I'd go to his house to leave the chaos that goes on in my home. We'd watch all the wolverine and x men movies. Logan was the one he missed he died right before it came out. And I know he wanted to see it. Fight club is for me. I feel like I might be like Tyler Durden. I don't know though. Moonrise kingdom if for who I want to be. I want to run away. Preferably with a boy. That boy will not be Miguel. I mean I like him. I think I might like home more then a little. But he's not the guy who will follow. Sam is the kinda guy who will follow me. He just goes along with everything. I do this thing we're I make up fake identities for people in my head. It's not on purpose. I get a glimpse of who someone is and I image how they'd react in situations. I think to much. Do other people think this much? I'm the kinda girl who'll fracture her own mind. I'll break my own heart. And I'll break your heart too. Boys seem to like me. I don't know why. I'm not nice. My humor isn't really the type that guys like. I'm kind of ugly. The only thing I have is big boobs which I hide. Are boys that shallow. Oh dang it's already 4 am. I just want to talk with... well I'm not sure. I don't like my friends. School is like work and my job is being popular. My friend are like coworkers. I need a vacation. I don't sleep at night. I take medicine to help. I think I've been skipping days. When I don't sleep, I'm never fully awake. I pick up my phone knowing it won't help me sleep. I open my texts. I stare at the names. Sam. Miguel. Who should I text. I find this choice easier than I expected. If I text Miguel he'll think I'm desperate. He's popular and doesn't need me. But Sam seems to like me. No one else seems to be going after him. So I send him a text.
Hey.
Sorry I can't sleep.
And to my surprise he responds in less than a minute.
I'm awake if you want to chat.
He sends back. He lives across the street from me in an apartment building. I can see his light turn on from across the street.
Wanna hang out
I send him. It's a little weird but who cares.
At 4 am
He replies.
Yes
I say.
Yes.
He replies. I grab my coat and slip on my shoes. I tie may hair up in a bun. I'm not wearing a shirt so I throw on a sweatshirt instead of my coat. I'm wear black velvet bell bottom leggings as pajama pants.  I quietly leave the apartment and i watch Sam leave through the fire escape. We meet down in the middle of the street. He's wearing jeans. In the middle of the the night. "Jeans?" I hear myself say. "In the middle of the night," I figure why not finish the thought. "Well it's better then being naked." There's a theory about time. When your having fun it goes faster. Some times time feels like it's different then before. And right now, as the word naked came out of his mouth it felt like the longest word I've ever heard. Nnnnnnaaaaakkkkkeeeeddd. That's what it sounded like. I don't know how to respond. I'm horrible at responding. So I just shrug. "Where do you wants to go?" I hear Sam say. I need to think. It's almost winter and everything is half frozen. This is New York. All the places are open. "Umm..." I say rubbing my arms in my hand trying to warm them up. I'm really regretting coming out here. I look at Sam. He's shorter than me. I'm not even that tall. My mind really wonders. I can never think of only one this. I remember in 2nd grade I was looking down at my feet thinking of a million things as my friends irl talking about the tooth fairy. I was pretty sure I had ADHD. I knew more than most second grades. Probably because I had older siblings. And I had some messed up siblings. But as my train of thought goes on I catch my self. I'm here with Sam. Not just me. "Noelle?" He tried to get my attention. "Where should we go?" I don't know. Why did I do this. He goes along with things to much. I could see the exhaustion in his eye. "I'm sorry." I say. He doesn't know why I said that. He asked me why. "I woke you up. Brought you out in the cold and I don't know what to do." He smiles awkwardly. "Do you want to come to my room." I say pretty confidently now. This would be the second time he came over. After think this I start to regret my decision. I haven't cleaned my room in forever. It probably smells bad because we have a dead rat in our heating vent. I'd probably wake up my family not that they care what I do. But they'd me Sam. What if he doesn't like my family. Of course he won't like them. They're so horrible. In just one second all these thoughts rush in my head. Then he opens his mouth...