Alone

The Movies

Sams POV
I've killed someone. Well not me. I'm really watching this in a third person kind of way. But it's me. It's a bar. I'm underaged but I get in. I shake hands with a man. During the shake he slips me something. Crispy crispy Benjamin Franklin. But as often as this happens the room switches. It's a hospital. A woman is in a bed. And this whole thing give me a bad feeling. I sit down on the bed next to her. She has no hair. I put my fist on her stomach and suddenly claws come out. Just like wolverine's. And just like that she's dead. As she dies I hear a noise. More like a buzz. I shoot up in bed. As I always have to tell my self it was only a dream.
The buzz was real. I check my phone. I've got a text from Noelle. It's 4 am. All she said was "Hey. I can't sleep." How do I respond to that. It's 4 am! I tell her that I'm awake if she wants to chat. Holy hell I said chat. That is the most stupid word I could use. I could I've said wanna talk. No I said chat. I might as well be a 50 year old woman. God damn. But the she asks if I want it hang out. Right now? It's 4 am. So I text her
At 4am?
She says yes. So I say yes. God I'm sad. Well I'm happy about Noelle and all but I'm sad. I get sad about people. It's more like depressed than sad. It's like when you see a person. And there is nothing wrong. Everything is usual. And it just makes me sad. Like if I see two people. Usually like some crumby guy with feathered hair or something that girls are all over for some reason. And then usually a girl. Very pretty and happy. And it just makes me depressed. Boy, I sound like Holden Caulfield. I just said boy. I sound so much like him. I'm meeting up with Noelle like he met up like sally. But I feel more like she's like Jane. But I need to stop refreshing catcher in the rye. I've been told I reference to many old things people don't get. Noelle never complains. So I turn on my light and grab my coat. I pull out a pair of jeans to put on. I slip on my shoes. I run to the bathroom to fix my hair. Well I try. It's not great. Once I played a game of truth or dare and I was dared to let Alex cut off some of my hair. Believe it or not it didn't turn out great. It's right in the front where my hair goes up. I turn off the light in the bathroom and leave to meet her. I take the stairs because the elevator makes lots of noise and it'll wake everyone up. The apartments are really small in this neighborhood. Right as I get down the stairs there is a small and skinny hall that leads to the door. There is a light on a timer and it shines right on the chipping paint. When I get out I see Noelle out side and shivering. She waves. It's a small wave. Like her arms a crossed and she lifts up one hand. I run over to her. It's kinda silent. She points out my jeans. We talk and we're just kind of chewing fat. Boy, it's cold. I can't really focus. I'm reminded that I'm a boy as I notice my eyes slipping off of Noelle's face. She's wearing black velvet pants that make her butt look cute. Why am I thinking off this? But boy, she has a really nice butt. That's not the only reason I like her. I'm not one of those boys. I'm just saying it's quite nice. I've kind of lost track of what we are talking about. But I ask her if we're going anywhere. She invites me up to her room. I feel like if we were older I'd be close to having sex. But I don't think she wants to do that. We're freshmen. I do want sex. I think it's bad that I do. I'm a boy. I don't know if girls want it too. I don't think they do. Or at least they have the decency to hide interest in sex. Girls are much more decent then boys. They have drama that I don't understand. I have drama too though. Well not me really but boys have drama. I think it's wrong to assume that girls are the dramatic ones. I realize I have not responded. I do this a lot. I sweep myself away in my own thoughts. Noelle invited me to her room. Her room. Again. I've been so focused on my thoughts that I've left her hanging. It hasn't been that long. It must seem like I'm hesitant. I'm not. I want to got. How do I say yes with out being g desperate? "Sure, whatever ," is what I heard come out of my mouth. Was that to cold. "I mean yeah of course," I hear me say again. So much for not sounding desperate. But she smiles. And I follow her up to her room. She's on the 3rd floor just like me. Our street is quite slim so I can practically see right into her bedroom. She can see into mine too, I notice as I look out her window. Sometimes I feel like I just skip parts of the day. Not that long just a few minutes. I'll be doing something and then start thinking. The next thing I know I'm doing something else. It's kinda like I fast forward through parts of the day. I remember it but I'm not to sure about it. I can't remember much about coming into Noelle's house other than her telling my to walk quietly. She turns on a small lamp. "So..." she sort of whispers. I kind of smile and shrug simultaneously. Then there's a click of a light and foot steps. "¡Noelle! ¿qué coño estás haciendo?" We hear her mom "Go go go" she whispers as she shoves me in her closet. It's a very small closet. Before she closes the door she whispers "That means Noelle what the... fuck are you doing." She shuts the door slowly in my face. I feel like Kyle McLaughlin in blue velvet. I peek through the slots. "Maldita sea, mamá, solo estoy recibiendo agua," she responds so fast. I'm taking Spanish class but the only word I got from that was water. Why is she talking about water? "Seguro que eres," her mom responds. Then I see Noelle get a cup of water as her mom watches her drink it. "Vuelve a dormir." Her mom says. I'm not understanding any of this. I see her mom look directly at me. I don't think she sees me though. She's just looking into Noelle room. I shut my eye and crouch down just to be safe. I hear the door shut and she opens the closet door. It's pitch black. "Come on you can't stay here. My mom will hear us," she whispers. I slowly get up and head to the door. It's only 4:20 am. Haha 420. "There's probably a moving showing down the street" she says softly. We end up sneaking out. Once we get down the stairs I notice how much she's giggling. It's cute. Sometimes I hate girls because none of the are interested in me but then they do cute things like giggle and wear velvet pants. When she's done giggling she says," I just hid my first boy in a closet," then she goes back to giggling. Noelle pull my arm to dry me in the direction of the movie theater. To my surprise it's open. Everything is open so late in New York, its true. The man selling tickets looks to be in the end of high school. He's covered in pimples and longish greasy hair. "Noelle," he says in a really deep voice that almost sounds fake. "Fuck," she whispers and pulls her hood over her head. "You can't hide from me," the man or boy I really can't tell, says. Noelle slams down what looks to be a 10 dollar bill and says "Just give us our damn tickets, Adrian." He says something snobby back. She replies snakily. But he finally caves. "What movie," he asks. Noelle rolls her eyes. It's was the longest most drawn out sarcastic eye roll I've ever seen. "The only one that's showing you damn moron." He snarled at her when she says that. "3 billboards it is. I hope you won't mind me calling your house at this hour right?" He won't shut his trap. Noelle pulls me inside. He watches us. "That boy, Adrian, asked me out. I said fuck off or something and now he hates me." I kinda smile at that.
We are going to see Three Billboards. It's about this mom who daughter was raped and murder. Raped while dying. She puts up 3 billboards outside of town to get the police to do something about it. I actually wanted to see this one. We get into the theater and it's practically empty other then a few left over slobs and perverts. It's 4 am for gods sake. I'm practically falling asleep. Why are we seeing a movie at this hour. This whole night seems kinda of forced. We take are seats and Noelle leans over to me, "Just making it clear," she says," I'm pretty sure this is a date. Sorry it's really shitty," I gawk. This is a date. She like me. She likes me. "Uhh it's not shitty. Just a bit inconvenient. " I say to her. I didn't even tell her I liked her back. "I don't like this place," Noelle says out of no where. "The movies?" I ask. We can talk because it's just the previews. "No. I mean Brooklyn. It's not bad. I just want to go to California." Huh. California. "Why California?" I ask. "It's beautiful. I want to go from north to south. Travel along the coast. I want to start up by Oregon. I wanna take a van. One with a kitchen or something. I want to go to the Bay Area and ride my bike in the Oakland hills. I want to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. I want to listen to bob Dylan and drive my way down the coast. I want to hike in Muir Woods. I want to take a detour and go backpacking in Yosemite. Also go swim in Lake Tahoe. I want to surf in Santa Cruz and Santa Barbra. I want to swim in the ocean. I want it to be warm in February. But I dream big. Way to big. I can't run away and move all the across the country." Wow. She knows what she talking about. "So why can't you? Have you seen the breakfast club?" She nods at me. ""You don't have to run away and live on the streets, you can go to the mountains or ocean. Alison says something like that." I can see her thinking about it. God why did I say that? I need to stop quoting movies. And I need to stop mimicking Holden Caufeild. I just feel like we relate a lot. The screen turns on and the previews start. She leans over closer to me. I still can believe I'm doing this at 4 am. I feel like I'm in paper towns. What's she gonna do next, run away? The idea sounds quite nice actually. I'd enjoy running away with her. I've come to be quite fond of that idea. God I want to kiss her. Moments like these make me think that a god might exist. Because as that thought floated in my mind she leaned even closer. Our noses slightly brush and she put her lips on mine. I left my mouth open in shock. Her lips were soft and light up against mine. I kissed back. After the original motion of the kids her lips lingered on mine. My whole body went kinda numb and got warm. Our faces were still close so I kissed her again. She kissed back and it was wonderful. I could kind of taste her minty breath but it was okay. She moved away and took my hand in hers. Then she whispered, "The movie is starting." I fake a smile at her. The movie even has an intense beginning.
This is not a make out movie. I think Noelle might have cried. I was distracted at the beginning from the kiss. So I was sort of confused. But it's okay. I had my first kiss. It was amazing. When things got hard in the movie, which they did a lot, she'd squeeze my hand. It was exiting. I think I had 500 mini heart attacks.
When the movie ended we went back outside into the bitter cold. We huddle together and she pressed up against me inside my jacket to keep warm. Sometimes I think I'm done with girls. But then they do cute things like this and they have me falling head over heels for them. I could feel where her bra was, and that was sort of awkward. It would be nice to feel boobs. They are like the holy grail. God I'm smiling so much right now. I think Noelle is too. Then I feel her yawn. It's like almost 6 am. "Well I've got to go." She says to me. I smile and nod. We begin to walk home. It's silent for a while but then she speaks. "Do you know how to tell if someone is right for you?"
"How?" I ask back. "If you don't feel the need to talk to make it comfortable with them. You know, just enjoy the silence." She says. "I guess that's right." I add. And she says nothing back. She reaches for my hand as we continue to walk home, in silence.