Alone

Sleep Deprived and Not in School

Noelle's POV
So it was around 6 when I got home. My mom didn't notice I was even gone. I've got absolutely zero sleep last night. I'm not even tired. It's seven now. I'm supposed to be getting dressed. I'm tempted to wear what I'm wearing now. Velvet pants and a cropped sweatshirt. But I wore this yesterday. And it's what I wore last night with Sam. So I think I'm gonna change. I want to impress him. Sam I mean. But it's cold so I have to wear something warm. I'm going through my draw and I pull out a pair of ripped black jeans that I wear with fish nets under. My style seems kinda basic. The worst part of picking out clothes is the shirts. I can never find one that I like. Especially for cold weather. I sneak into my sisters room. She's still asleep. I open her shirt drawer as quietly as possible. She's a pretty deep sleeper. I pull out a cropped white button up shirt. It has long sleeves. I pull up my fish nets so they cover my stomach. Underneath I wear a black lace bralette which is pretty long and could probably pass a a shirt. I have to brush my teeth. I'm so tired. I go into the kitchen, eat cold pasta, then head to the bathroom.
I don't know what it is about brushing my teeth but I don't like it. When I'm done I stare at my face. It looks bad. I'm tired and I don't look great so I think I'm gonna out on some make up. I pull out my concealer and put it under my eyes. I also put it on a red pimple right in my cheek. Then I put eyeliner on my water line on both the top ad bottom. I add mascara. I have been cursed with short lashes. I curl them. My eyes look dark but it's okay with me. I put my rats nest of hair in two pig tails. I can't brush it because it'll just puff out. So I use water. My hair is quite curly and these low pig tales look cute. I throw on my checkered hat. It's like a cap. The top is round and soft and there's a part coming off it like a baseball cap. A New York taxi driver hat. Then I put on my cherry red doc martens. I'm very proud of them. I worked a lot to save up my money. I'm a babysitter and they cost $140. I put in a lot of time for these. I'm feeling pretty cute today. As I go outside I throw on my yellow sweatshirt. In lighter yellow it has the word honey embroidered on it. I grab my backpack. It's black with a Betty Boop patch on it. I put on chapstick as I close the door behind me. Vitamin E and mint. It's Burt's bees. I don't know why I find that important. I don't really. But I check the time and start to run. I can miss the buss. We don't have a car. I don't want to walk again. It takes hours. But I don't miss the buss luckily. And I see Sam there. Standing in a grey sweatshirt and black jeans. I can tell how skinny he is. He has his hair push back and the curls look really good. I walk up to him. I'm thinking of the kiss. "Hey" I say to him. He just looks at me and waves. "Sorry about last night. I'm sorry it was so late. Are you tired?" I ask him. "No. I don't normally sleep much any way." A bus comes. Not ours. It takes away the adults heading into the city for work. Actually it might have been the bus that brings people to the subway. Well anyway seats on the bench opens up. We both sit. He puts his arm around me. It was really casual. I put my hand on his leg. And we sit. In silence. Both tired. He turns and looks at my face. I smile and turn towards him. Without a word he kisses me. I feel this new sense of confidence which he lacked before. I feel quite comfortable with him. And it lasts forever. The kiss. But the buss shows up. Everyone saw us kiss. I don't care. I like him a lot. I feel bad though. I was supposed to go on a date with Miguel. So I text him: I'm so sorry I can't really go out with you.
That's all. I don't know what to say. We pay, get on the bus then sit down together. And we talk endlessly. We get along so well that when the bus stops at school we don't want to stop our conversation. So I follow him. He's going to his friends. I might as well get to know them. I know them, but not well. So we find Nathan and Alex. And he says to them. "You guys remember Noelle, she's my girlfriend." I'm his girlfriend. We didn't discuss that. We kissed. I'm glad he introduced me as that though. I wanted to be his girlfriend. "How did we not know this," Alex asks seeming upset. I laugh. "Don't worry he's not hiding it form you it happened last night," I reassure them. "We'll talk later," Alex says to Sam. Then mouths I'm watching you. I giggle. His friends are decent. Better then most of mine. The bell rings. We have four minutes to get to class. I find my self going in the same direction as Alex. I walk beside him. "So you like Tema, right?" I ask him although I know he does. "Who said that?" He responds. "No one. I see the way you look at her. You know she's my friend." He responds with a simple "okay". Then I start talking again. "You have a chance with her." I tell him. "You think?" He asks as his eyes light up. "Yeah. Ask her out or something. You didn't hear it from me but I think she might like you." We have the same class so I open the door for him when we get there. He looked so happy it was adorable. Tema is really popular. I don't actually think she knows who he is. I don't even know why I said that. But if I start hanging out with Sam's friends maybe Tema will join me. We hang out a lot. I feel bad that I lied. Actually I don't. So we sit down. Well I sit down Alex is all the way across the room. I pull out a piece of paper. Our do now sheet. These are the stupidest things. I feel like I'm in elementary school. The class is noisy and there always seems to be people throwing a basketball ball around the room. Our teacher is on her phone. The second bell rings. Anyone who isn't in class is officially late. This is the first time I haven't been late in a while. But as alway Jack comes in late. Jack is one of Josh's friends. Meaning he's a dill-hole. I don't even know what that means. But he is one. He drops his skateboard and starts messing around. "Jack, off the skateboard!" Our teacher yells at him. "I mean that's kinda weird but okay," he responded. Nobody gets what he's trying to say until he pick up the skateboard and literally jacks it off. I roll my eyes. He's disgusting. "Nobody likes you Jack," I shout out. The teacher points at me. "Words of wisdom." And the crowd goes wild. Ugh. Sometimes I really hate everyone. They're just so obnoxious. I slam my head on the desk. I'm so broken and lame. God I hate this. This routine. Over and over. Wake up. Tiered. Get dressed. Go to the buss. Talk to my stupid friends. Go to class. Think about how everyone is stupid. Go to the rest of my classes. Mentally complain. When I get home it's not an escape. Sometimes my parents aren't home but when the are it's non stop fighting. But back to reality. I've got work to do. I want to kiss Sam. I look down at my paper then up at the board. We have to copy down vocabulary words. Sine qua non (Latin). That's our first word. Well words. This is English not Latin. I know English is based off Latin but we don't learn that this year. Then this boy Elijah starts to answer someone's question. Since the word is Sine qua non and there's parentheses around Latin Elijah says it's "non Latin."
"What the fuck is non Latin you idiot that's a separate thing." I say to him. "Noelle, language," our teacher shouts. "Sorry grandma," I say back. "Why don't you grab a referral sheet on your way to the office?" She responds. Great. I'm getting sent out of class. I grab the sheet of paper and I as I slip out the door I mumble "why don't you fuck yourself." Then I run. I'm laughing hysterically. Part at the fact that I find myself hilarious and also because I'm gonna get in so much trouble for telling my teacher to fuck herself. I get out of the building and no one followed me. No one is here. I decide to go to the handy cap elevator. It's broken. But it's a hidden space. Kids usually go in there to smoke pot because there are no cameras.  There's a bench in there. I go in and sit down. The door closes. The elevator never goes up. As I said before, it's broken. As I get in there I cry. I don't sob. I'm not sad. Just tears start to run down my cheeks. I don't know what wrong with me. I'm sitting on the elevator bench sobbing when my phone buzzes. I never get texts. It's from Sam. "Alex told me you ran out of class what happened, r u ok?" He sends me. I reply, "I'm fine, go back to class" once I send it I feel bad. He was just trying to be nice. Then that makes me sad and I cry about that. God I hate crying. Then I hear a ding symbolizing the door opening. I will be in so much trouble. All I do is wipe away my tears as fast as possible. Once the door starts to open I pretend like I'm not crying. And it opens. Its not a teacher. Thank god it's not a teacher. I really should have seen this coming. It's Sam. He's holding up his phone. "Snap maps" is all he says. Then he comes in and sits down next to me. I'm so stupid. I've been with Sam for one day and have already caused more drama then he has experienced in a lifetime. He sits down on the bench next to me. He lifts up his arm to touch me but I stand up. "What's the matter?" He asks. I turn around so he can't see my face. I don't know how, but I can feel his eyes glued to my ass. "I don't know," I say kinda bitchy, "lack of sleep?" Im guessing what my problem is. I walk towards him and he grabs my hips. His hands are big and warm. I can feel their heat through my pants. His hands softly on my hips I start to sit on his lap. He lowers me. It all happens pretty quick. "I'm not much of a lap sitter" I tell him. "Well your pretty light. I figured you might be." I shrug. "I guess I could be." Then I turn around on his lap. I fold my legs so I'm sitting on his lap facing him. I put my hands on his arms and he kisses my neck. "I mwah never thought mwah this mwah would mwah happen," he says to me still kissing my neck. He's really cute. "Your cute," I tell him. His face turns red. I feel bad. I know why but I don't really know why, catch my drift? I stop questioning my thoughts when he starts to smile. I gently stroke the back of my hand down his face. "Why don't we get out of here. Let's go somewhere," I say to him. "You know I was fine with what we were just doing so if you continue..." He jokes. I really like him. I'm really glad I didn't go out with Miguel. I lightly punch him in the arm. He punches me back. We end up gently shoving each other. Kinda wrestling. But in a cute way. I pin him down and I'm on top of him. "Look who's the winner," I say. Both of our hands are linked. I go down to kiss him when he quickly sits up. I can tell he's trying to pin me down so I let him. "Ugh you're so strong," I tell him. He's really not. But it's okay I like him a lot. I'm glad he came. I'm laying on the bench of a public schools elevator where kids come to smoke. This is quite disgusting. He kisses me. I sit up. He smiles at me. I don't know what to do. "I don't want to be here," I tell him. "I know this place sucks. I wish we were somewhere else in the world," he replies. I laugh. "No I meant I don't want to be in this elevator. Look at you being deep." He starts to laugh with me. "Let's get out of here." He says to me. I can't believe this. I just keep thinking about last night. I always feel so alone. But not when I'm with him. Hearing myself think I sound really corny. God I really like him. I just like him more. He pushes the button and opens the elevator door for me. "Where should we go?" I ask. "Let's leave the campus." Wow he is coming up with some great ideas. Not like that's what I was thinking at all. I hate that I'm currently annoyed and in love with the same person. We walk outside the school. It's an open campus so there are a lot of people out here. "Oh shit Mr. Turner." Sam says. I see one of the security guards from our school. Mr. Turner. He's really chill and friends with a lot of us. "It's fine he doesn't care," I reply. I wave at Mr. Turner as we turn the corner and officially leave campus. We walk and talk for a while. Then we get to a buss stop. "Where does this buss go to?" I ask Alex as the buss approaches. "You'll see," he says back. He knows where every buss goes so he must have a plan. We get on the buss and continue our conversation. The buss drives about 3 miles before we get off. The neighborhood we end up in looks kinda sketchy but I decide to just trust Sam. I don't know why, but I do. He grabs my hand a leads me somewhere. A parking garage. It's closed off. He takes me to the top. "Sometimes, I come up here, and just," he breaths out, and in a whisper he says, "Scream". So I do. "Fuck," I scream as I kick over a pile of trash. "Thanks Sam." I say to him. "And I also thought you might like this," There is an elevator that is open with a few skateboards inside. "Someone just left these here," he says. I grab one. I ride it down the parking garage. Starting at the top turning every corner. Sams right behind me. When we get to the bottom we run back up. I take off my jacket. "This is incredibly fun," I tell him. "I thought it would be," he says. We do it a gain and again till we run out of breath. It gets very hot and Sam takes off his jacket. I already have mine off but I still feel like I'm over heating. Since my bra is long I take off my shirt. "Don't judge me it's hot," I mumble "I'm definitely not judging," he says to me seemingly in aw. I tell him he can touch me if he wants. He steps closer and puts his hands around my waist. I press up against him and kiss him. As we kiss he runs his hands on me starting to cup my breasts. We are very very close and I fell him getting hard. He kinda backs away, "Sorry sorry," he puts his head in his hands embarrassed. "No don't be it's totally fine... if you didn't... you know... there would be something wrong with you."  I giggle. Why did I say that. He kinda grins, still embarrassed. It's weird to me that it doesn't seem that he sees me as an equal. To him I guess he never thought I would wanna date him or like he thinks I'm cooler then him or whatever. It's not true. I've had a crush on him since 4th grade. I finally got the courage to become his friend this year. I don't think that I really care how he views me. I can tell he cares a lot about what I think of him. As much as I like him, I wouldn't be to angry if he dated another girl. I know that seems bad, but I'm just not the jealous type. I think I just have fun with him and that's all I really want. I like kissing him.