Just Say It

Chapter 12~What Are Friends For

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still gently allows you to grow.

~ William Shakespear

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Only the sound of my blood pounding in my ears and the thud of feat hitting the dirt road were to be heard. Nothing made sense. I didn't know where I was or even what I was doing. I let my mind take control and lead me to my hearts content. I couldn't let my mind start to wonder.

'Why is he back?'

I closed my eyes and let my aching body go. The wind blew making the tears on my face cold. I kept running and running. With eyes still closed I veered sharply to my right, dodging and swatting at the tall weeds the grew up above head.

When I knew I was out of the weeds I stopped running. I slowly opened my eyes and I was at my special place.

That's when I lost it. Nothing could subside my pain. I collapsed to the ground and sobbed into my hands.

'I don't want him here! He left us!' My mind screamed.

'But he came back! He came back!' My heart cheered.

I was so angry. I pounded my fists into the ground, then rapidly got up and kicked the apple tree. But I wasn't done, the anger still bubbled and boiled throughout my blood. I ran over to the pond and knelt down beside it and rammed my hands into it, scratching at the surface making splashes. I stopped and looked at my rippled reflection, all I saw was him, Logan. I tore my gaze from the water and looked at the sky and wept, what tears were left poured out of my eyes.

I was so caught up in my own rage that I didn't notice the presence of someone until they wrapped their large arms around me, scooping me up and resting me on their lap.

"Shh" He cooed as if I was an injured child, "Its okay, shh"

I buried my face in his chest and gripped his shirt as if I were to let go, just for a second, I would loose him.

He rocked me back and forth while gently stroking my arm with his soft finger tips. His face rested on top of my head.

"I-I" I stuttered into his chest as I tried to speak, but I found little words to express my emotion.

"Hey no, shh. You're fine." His words were soft and gentle like his touch.

A few moments passed before I stopped crying. I pulled away and stared into the dulled blue eyes of Blake. He smiled but the smile was sad and didn't reach his eyes. I twisted the corners of my lips up no more than a centimeter.

"Hey," Blake started, his hand cupped my cheek, he slowly leaned in and rested his forehead on mine, "Wanna talk about it?"

My smile fell and I looked away towards the pond. My stomach twist into knots and I felt like I was going to cry again, but it was now or later. And I choose now.

"I still love him," my voice cracked, "I mean I don't hate him. Thats not why I'm upset I guess." I paused and looked back at Blake who had his eyes fixated on my face. "Its the fact that, he- he left without thinking of others. He left without Clayton's, my Mom's, or even my opinion. It was all him! He just, he just left cause he couldn't stand my Dad." I looked down at my lap as tears started to prick the corners of my eyes, "Didn't even try to work things out with my Dad. And thats what makes me so furious. If they would have talked no one would be hurt. And I wouldn't have had to live two years without a protective brother to save me from all of those jerks I called boyfriends. None of those boys got what they deserved, they didn't get beat up by Logan or anything. I watched them laugh at my heartache. And Logan wasn't there to help me, wasn't there to be the big brother I needed." My voice drifted off to a whisper as I finished.