Loving Her (Book 2/2)(RE-WRITING)

Chapter 10 Andy

I felt Carla tracing her fingers over my bare shoulder. Memories of last night flooded through my mind. I got drunk. Beyond drunk and I had called her. She drank with me when we got to her place. And then we fucked. Like we used to.

"You okay?" She asked, propping herself onto her arm.

"I don't really know what that is anymore," I replied honestly, rolling onto my back and looking at her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'll need more alcohol in my system if you want answers,"

"Last time I checked you weren't a drinker,"

"Things changed," I shrugged.

"Plus you're not very hungover,"

"Guess I can hold myself well," we sat in silence just looking at each other.

"I haven't seen you since I heard what happened about the shooting. What happened?"

Do you love her?" He asked me, holding the gun to my chest. I couldn't help but let a tear fall from my eye. I knew that I loved her from the first time I saw her. She was breathtaking. She deserved the world and I knew I couldn't give it to her. But I loved her for everything she was and everything she could be.

"Yes," I replied. I let the tears stream down my face. I didn't shake. I had no energy left. I couldn't be strong anymore. I couldn't fight.

"Just do it," I cried, tears falling harder.

"For fucks sake, give me the gun if you can't do it," Denise sighed walking towards us. I closed my eyes and heard the gun shot. I didn't feel anything.

"Mum," Danni whispered. I felt my heart ache. He had shot her mum.

"Mum," Danni cried. I felt my body going weak. I couldn't keep my eyes open.

"I still love you mum," Danni whispered. I felt my heart stopping. I closed my eyes and imagined a world where none of this happened. Where nothing mattered. A world where it was just me and Danni madly in love with no care in the world. I imagined marrying her. And then everything was gone.

"You don't have to say," she whispered, kissing my shoulder.

"I don't really want to,"

"And that's okay Andy," she breathed. I rolled onto my side and rested my head on her chest. She traced her fingers over the scar on my shoulder.

"I'm just glad that you're okay,"

"Yeah," I mumbled. I was okay physically but I knew mentally I was just a mess.

"How about I make you something to eat?"

"Sounds good,"

"Unless you want to shower with me?" I smirked at her offer. I watched as she slowly got out of bed, making sure to show every curve of her body. She stalked towards the shower, her hips swaying. She stood at the door and wiggled her eyebrows at me. I couldn't help myself. So I went and showered with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I waited in the cafe for Patricia to arrive. I wanted to start making things better between us. I knew that it would take me a while if not forever to fully trust and love her again but I knew with time I would get there. I looked out the window and observed the rain that fell. It wasn't heavy rain but it still echoed against the roof.

"Andy," she smiled, sitting down in front of me.

"Patricia," I nodded. She was wearing a full black suit with a black cardigan to keep her warm.

"How's James?" I asked, taking a sip of my coffee.

"He is still stressed,"

"And you?" She sighed.

"How am I supposed to take in the news that my son, my only son is not only a murderer, but an abuser and rapist? It's just a shock,"

"I know,"

"It's just I thought he was perfect. I thought he was one of the best things that had happened to me, to our family," I was a little hurt by this simply because we were twins.

"You know Andy, it makes me regret what happened when you were fourteen. We kicked you out for being gay yet we had a murderer under our roof,"

"He wasn't a murderer then Patricia,"

"But he hurt you didn't he?" She asked, concern over her face. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Yes but it doesn't matter,"

"It does Andy. I didn't believe you and I was a terrible mother. I should've been a better mother to you. I should've done more with you-"

"Patricia its fine honestly. Shit happens-"

"Language," she scolded, taking a sip of her coffee .

"Have you seen him yet?"

"Beatrice?" I nodded.

"No, neither had your father. We aren't ready to see him,"

"Will you see him?"

"Most possibly. Have you seen him?"

"No, and I don't know if I will,"

"Whys that?" She asked.

"I don't owe him anything so there's no point,"

"The point is that your his family,"

"The point is that he ruined my values of family Patricia," she sighed.

"How's Danni been? I heard you left for her for Europe,"

"She's fine and I didn't leave her for Europe I left for Europe on my own terms. I left because I needed time to think,"

"And you couldn't do that here with her?"

"No, there's too much here,"

"Andrea, do you have feelings for Danni?"

"No-"

"Don't lie to me Andrea please. It's the way you look at her. You look at her with so much love and admiration. You may be tough and ice cold Andrea, but your heart will always be soft and warm for her," she smiled, holding onto one of my hands. What was this woman saying? I knew that I loved Danni but it just couldn't be. We were such different and separate people. We had so much awkwardness and hate between the two of us. Plus she deserves better than all of this. She deserves better than the shitty people in this town, the shorty jobs, and the shitty houses. She deserves better than me too.