Loving Her (Book 2/2)(RE-WRITING)

Chapter 6 Danni

I traced my fingers over the necklace Andy had given me a couple of days ago. Was I ready to forgive her? Would I ever be ready to forgive her? She doesn't understand how much it hurt. It not only physically broke me but it mentally broke me too. She made so many thoughts come into my head and I felt like I'd lost control of my life. I understood now that she had things to sort out but that didn't give her the right to act like I don't have things in my mind too. I am still having nightmares about the abortion and the beatings. I'm still hearing the gunshots and I never got answers as to how dad died or Erica. I never got closure. I won't get closure.

"Get up Danni you look like shit," Narla groaned, pulling the rugs off of my body.

"Stop," I groaned, putting the necklace in my pillowcase.

"You haven't left this room since Andy gave you that necklace. Get up or I'll force you to get up,"

"Can't you just leave me like you did the other times?"

"No because I know what happened to you and no one else does and I don't want it happening again,"

"I'm just so caught up in everything and I just don't know what to do,"

"You can talk to me Danni. I know I wasn't there that day about your mum but I was there for the abortion. You can talk to me,"

"What's there to say Narla? I killed a baby. I killed it and didn't even consider what it would be like to have it,"

"Danni," Narla breathed, climbing into the bed with me.

"Please stop beating yourself up about this. You weren't ready to have a kid! You were raped and you would've had your life taken away from you,"

"Maybe it would've made it better,"

"Don't say that,"

"But everyone leaves Narla! My dad got killed, Erica got killed, my mums dead, Andy fucking left too! Maybe if I had the baby I'd finally have someone here for me," I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"You have me Danni. I haven't left and I most likely won't. You don't understand how much it hurts me to see you beating yourself up like this. It makes me feel like I'm being a horrible friend because I'm not helping you through this,"

"I think I just need some time to myself,"

"Danni,"

"I just need to get away for a couple of days okay? I just need to breathe because I feel like I'm running out of oxygen,"

"Where would you go?"

"I don't know but I need to think because I feel like my brains going to explode,"

"Do you want me to tell Andy and Yvette?"

"Please don't. I want to be alone. Please don't call me either. I just need time,"

"Okay,"

"I'm going to start now," I replied, making myself get out of bed and slipping my shoes on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I found myself at the prison where Beatrice was getting held at. There was a part of me that wanted to forgive him for what he did and I just needed to know why. I sat in the visitors room and waited for him to come in. It's been nearly nine months since he got charged with murder, rape, abuse and sexual harassment.

"Hey," I looked up and saw Beatrice sitting in front of me. He looked different. His hair was grown longer and sat just below his chin. He had light facial hair and seemed skinnier, less muscular.

"Hey,"

"You look really good, different but good,"

"Thank you," I replied.

"What brought you here?"

"I just wanted to say that I don't hate you for shooting my mum,"

"I'm sorry Danni,"

"It was better than you shooting Andy,"

"I just, she got to me. She was reminding me of our childhood and when I saw how vulnerable she was I couldn't do it. She made me realise I was a monster,"

"You're not a monster Beatrice, you're just not on the right path,"

"Well they diagnosed me as bipolar and other mental things," I nodded.

"How has prison life been?"

"Alright. I haven't had any visitors except you today,"

"Your family hasn't seen you?"

"No, my parents both think I'm a disgrace. They say that I've ruined the family name. And I didn't talk to Andy to begin with,"

"She left to go to Europe and she just got back after 6 months,"

"Must've needed to clear her head," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. I realised that he was handcuffed.

"It broke you didn't it?" He asked when I didn't reply.

"Yes,"

"I can't speak for her but I knew when we were really young Andy always had to experience new things when she was stressed. Like once when we were four she was stressed about a school play so her and mum went to the city for a couple days and she went and swam with dolphins,"

"She did?"

"Yeah. So whenever she goes away it's because she's struggling. She won't admit it though," we sat in silence for a moment.

"Do you regret what you did?"

"Everyday. But dwelling in the past isn't going to help me get better. It's only going to make me worse to the point where I drive myself crazy," I was about to speak but he continued.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you Danni. I know that it doesn't change anything but I need to know that I at least tried to reach out to you and apologise,"

"I understand,"

"Time to go inmate," the officer spoke.

"I'll see you round Danni,"

"Be safe Beatrice," he smiled at me one last time before walking away with the officer. I sighed before leaving the prison. Next stop was my mums house to see if I could find anything to get closure on my dad, Erica, and what happened to her.