in the shadows · akutagawa ryunosuke x reader

v u l n e r a b l e

vulnerable (vʌln(ə)rəb(ə)l, adjective) - exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. 

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[Y/N]'s POV 

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was coldness of the room I was in. How the frosty air hit my face and made me shiver. I was laying in a big bed with a soft blanket that covered my body.  I looked around the room - it was small but big enough to place a wardrobe, a desk and a nightstand. I still had my clothes on (thank God). I looked at the window that was above the desk. The sun was still shining brightly in the sky, so it was still daytime, maybe a little past the noon. So how long have I been asleep?

"Finally, you're awake!" a cheery voice spoke. I didn't notice the fairly tall boy that was leaning on the door frame. It was no one else than Mark Twain himself. With that cocky grin of his, he walked up to me and sat on the bed. I recalled the memories from last night. How he touched me. I felt disgusted with my own body. I rubbed my arm and looked at him with unsympathetic eyes. 

"We had to knock you out with meds, you were furious when we got you here. Your confusion is understandable." he said and grinned again. I furrowed my brows. 

"Didn't I pass out on that street back then?" I asked. 

"Indeed, you did. But we had to drug you with sleeping pills as soon as we escorted you here. You wouldn't stop screaming over your lover boy." Mark rolled his eyes and stood up. "Since he's either dead by now or by some miracle still alive and on his way to rescue you or whatever, I recommend you get dressed in fresh clothes and come downstairs. Someone wants to see you." he winked at me and I shivered again. I clenched my jaw to prevent the tears from streaming down my face but with no effect. Akutagawa might be dead, all because of me and my stupidity, naivety. I didn't want this. I never wanted any of it. I never asked for it. 

I was scared of him, just like everybody else in the school. Every time we walked into the classrooms, they were filled with a weird atmosphere - dark, scary. All you needed to be dead was one look at his steely, grey eyes. There wasn't a day where he wouldn't come to school with a cut or a bruised eye. It became a normal thing as the time passed by. Many girls found him attractive because of that and I wasn't an exception - his sharp jawline, intimidating eyes and stoic expression that he always had on his face. Separately, those things were quite ordinary, but combined together made Akutagawa a good looking guy. But that was it. Just a handsome high school boy. I never wanted to develop any sort of relationship with him. Without my permission, it happened.

When he kissed me for the first time, I was confused and left with so many questions. Why did he do that? What made him do that? Was it honest? There was no way Akutagawa could have feelings for me. 

The second time he kissed me, I was too freaked out to even protest, I gave it in. Do I regret it? Maybe a little. But since then I knew I had feelings for him that I wanted to deny no matter what cost. I didn't see us happening.

The third time was real. Real and sincere, affectionate. With sparkles and fireworks, with fire and butterflies, just real. Every time he touched me I felt the electricity going through my veins right into my brain. Every time he looked at me, something in my heart just went calm, I felt at home. That's when I understood everything. That's where I belong. To him.

It doesn't matter now, right? Everything he ever said to me might have been fake, with no emotion at all. It hurts to even think like this, seems impossible, but it might be real. To make things even worse, he might be dead. I haven't been given a chance to say my final goodbye to him. I don't know where I am, I don't know where he is... Mark said he could be on his way to rescue me...