in the shadows · akutagawa ryunosuke x reader

f r u s t r a t i o n

frustration (frʌˈstreɪʃn, noun) - the feeling of being upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to change or achieve something.

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Frustration.

That's the word that described me the best after my conversation with Atsushi. I was frustrated, angry, full of emotional pain. It made me realize the awful truth - that Ryu never told me he loves me. Not even once.

I was rushing through the city, trying to come back home as quickly as possible. I bumped into many people, causing them to curse at me. I had my head down and didn't care about my surrounding at all. All I had in my mind was the fact... the heart-breaking fact I've been lied to. Shamelessly lied to.

Am I overreacting? I don't know. But what Atsushi said opened my eyes. Akutagawa played with my feelings. He only comes around when he's injured, he treats me like a nurse. All those kisses, those hugs... Were they fake?

Suddenly, I heard someone shouting my name.

"[Y/N]! Wait!"

It was Ryu's voice. I flinched at the sound of it and continued to walk, completely ignoring him in hope he'll do the same.

"For fuck's sake, can you slow down?!" he shouted again before finally grabbing me by my hand and stopping me, turning me around to face him. I was breathing heavily and had my eyes glued to the ground.

"What did you talk about with Atsushi?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Nothing." I mumbled and tried to release myself from his grip.

"Why can't you just answer me, god damn it!" he shouted.

He doesn't love you. He's lying. Let it go. It's pointless.

He doesn't love you.

"I'm sorry..." I said, biting my lip to prevent myself from crying.

"For what?" he breathed out. I looked at him, his face was wearing a shocked expression.

"I... need to go." I said and wanted to turn around, but Ryu squeezed my hand tighter.

"[Y/N], what did he tell you-"

"Leave me alone."

His hand slowly let go of mine. I heard him exhale deeply and calmly, before letting me go completely. I rushed to my house with a hurting heart and tears falling down my cheeks. After what felt like an eternity, I finally reached the front door of my house. I tried to calm myself down by taking deep breaths, but that only caused me to let out a loud sob.

Why did it hurt so much? Just a couple of months ago I didn't care about him at all. What made me feel this way? Why am I so vulnerable? I wiped away my tears and took the last breath before opening the door.

"I'm home!" I shouted and took off my shoes. My mum greeted me as always with her usual, warm smile. I had a terrbily uncomfortable knot tying around my stomach. It was finally the time where I had to confront her about what I read in the letter.

"Mum..." I said and sat down by the table. She hummed as a response.

"Can I talk to you about something? It's... quite serious, so I need your full attention."

"Of course sweetheart, what is it?" she said before taking a seat next to me. I looked her in the eyes, only to look away seconds later.

"Who is... Francis Fitzgerald?"