echo; adopted by twenty one pilots

-31-

"i'd die for you," that's easy to say. we have a list of people that we would take.
💊
it's been a couple days. it seems like my mind is mush and i can't help but want to die. i haven't gone to school. i don't want to face robin.

so, i've gained a certain habit back. most would call this relapsing but it doesn't feel like that word would explain it.

it feels like i've just gotten out of a dark hole but the ground crumbles and i fall right back into the endless void. is there even a word for that?

"echo, it's like a hundred degrees, what's with the sweater?" josh asks me at the dinner table. i pause, my eyes widening.

"and why are you so sad?" julian adds. i glance at my empty plate, empty because i 'am not hungry.'

"i'm sad because something  happened... and i'm wearing a sweater because, i, um, this is one of my favourite pieces of clothing." it was true, robins sweater is my favourite.

"echo, may we have a chat after dinner?" tyler asks from across from me.

"no we may not," i reply, getting up and going upstairs.

-

i wake up at night from a- duh, nightmare. before i allow myself to lock myself in the bathroom again, i hurry out of my room and down the stairs.

"oh, hey, echo! want some pie?" jenna says as i stroll into the kitchen.

"no thanks," i smile a sad smile. her smile turns to a frown.

"echo lane black. we were just chatting about you earlier and we all decided that we haven't seen you eat even a crumb in a week," she gets serious. "and, you're losing weight. even though we can't really  tell from the sweater you're always wearing. what's wrong?"

i'm taken back by her sudden force and i turn to go back to my room.

"echo, i know you don't want to open up but, for your safety and ours, you have to. i'll always listen," i hear her voice break a little and it also breaks my heart.

i turn back to her and nod before making my way back to bed.

if only it were that easy.

-

"hey!" i hear a very familiar voice. i stop, letting my eyes shut as i turn around.

"that guys friend told me you- woah, you look dead." i open my eyes- robin?" i stand, gaping at her.

"i- uhm, hi," i realize i look stupid and i glance at the ground.

"come on to the bathroom, we can't talk here," she grabs my hand and leads me to the bathrooms. my breath hitches.

"so, you know damon? yeah, it was a prank." she laughs. "and i didn't know." and i feel like such an idiot because i fell into a void again for a girl who thinks it's funny.

i don't laugh too. i don't do anything, except begin to cry.

"oh, i'm so, so sorry," robin realizes i'm not okay and pulls me into a hug.

"it's okay, baby," she whispers.

"it's not."

"what? why?" she asks.

"i-i," i clear my throat, my voice barely above a whisper. "i relapsed."

she backs up for a second, her eyes fixating in my clothed arms. i hang my head in shame.

"y-you're thinner, a-and y-you n-never wore a s-sweater after to tour, a-and you have e-eye bags," she starts to tear up to, hyperventilating. "it's all my fault!"

before i am able to help her calm down, she immediately stops crying and her breathing becomes normal. she masked her emotions.

"what i'm trying to say is, i was wrong. a-and i want you back," she steps forward.

"yes, but let me explain myself if this happens again." she nods eagerly.

"did you tell your parents?" she asks. i shake my head.

"you have to. do you want me to come?" i nod.

-

i can't look in their eyes.

"you what?" tyler's sad voice rings out into the quiet room.

"i-i," i can't even finish my sentence. i hang my head in shame as i hear the sound of jenna and tyler crying.

"let me see," tyler says in a stern and angry voice. i shake my head, letting go of robins hand to wipe my tears.

"echo. now." tyler's voice getting louder. i feel my girlfriend grasp my hand and slowly roll up one of my sleeves.

"t-that looks really bad," josh says sadly.

"echo. i'm disappointed in you," tyler says. it rings in my ears. i suddenly jerk my arm away and pull down my sleeve.

"i'll see you at school tomorrow robin. drive safe, it's dark out," i yell before slamming the door behind me.

trigger warning; almost suicide. skip to the *

the cold november air bites at my skin as i stroll down the street, singing quietly to myself.

i know where you stand.
silent, in the trees.

i glance up at the town water tower and formulate a plan in my head. i circle the tower, looking for a ladder. i need to see the town.

and that's where i am.
silent in the trees.

i begin to climb the ladder-like structure, my hands getting cold.

why won't you speak
where i happen to be?

at this point, my knuckles are white and i can barely hold on. i stop to glance down. do i want this? my voices cry that i need it.

silent, in the trees,
standing cowardly.

i get to the top and circle the platform, my fingertips running along the railing.

i can feel your breath.
i can feel my death.

it's colder up here. i climb over the railing carefully. i cry out, nearly slipping in a piece of ice.

i want to know you,
i want to see,
i want to say.

"hello!?" i yell, my voice cracking. i can't be in pain anymore. they'd be better off without me. i dangle one of my feet over the tiny ledge.

"goodbye," i whisper back to myself. i close my eyes, inhaling a breath-

*trigger warning over, you may proceed.*
*****

"get down from there!" someone yells from below. i gasp, almost slipping again.

"please?" they call again. i snap out of my 'trance.' i stood, scared. i almost died. my thoughts almost consume me as i climb down the ladder.

i scream as i accidentally fall down the last five handles, hitting the ground with a thud.

"are you okay?" they ask. i suddenly feel sick to my stomach. i shake my head, attempting to stand up.

"you should eat something," they comment. i shake my head harshly.

"i feel fan-fucking-tastic."

that voice sounds too familiar.

"w-wait, juniper!?"

i feel dizzy and lay down in the shimmering snow again, closing my eyes and sleeping.