Stay Down

Chapter 16-Bad Temper

For Chris To Just Up And Leave Hurted Me To My Heart

He Seemed Like He Didn't Even Care About Nothing But Him Self And His Own Happiness

He Felt Like Atlanta Is Where Is He Needed To Be And I Felt Like Home Is Where His Ass Should Be

But He Was Gone Now Only Thing Was Left Was A Few Items That Belonged To Do Him

I Looked At My Son And I Just Couldn't Stop Crying Because He Deserve More Than This

He Deserves To See His Father Everyday When He Wakes Up But His Father Just Left Us That How I Felt

My Mother Came Home Later That Evening And I Was Sitting On The Couch Crying Holding Cj

"What Happened Here"She Asked Me

"Chris Left Me Ma...He Came Back And He Packed A Bag And He Left"I Cried

"See I Knew He Would Do This...I Knew He Would Leave You Because Thats What Cowards Do Baby"She Said

"You Don't Understand Ma He Left Hes Doesn't Wanna Be With Me Anymore I Lost Everything Now"I Cried

"Girl You Is Holding Your Everything Right There In Your Arms Right Now"She Said

"Ma..I Love Him"I Said

"And If He Love You He Would Be Here Real Love Never Leaves Remember That...I Know You Love Him But Baby You'll Be Okay It Can't Hurt Forever"She Said

But It Felt Like It Would

"Give Me Cj Go Clean Yourself"My Mother Said Taking Cj From Me

I Got Up And Walked Up The Stairs And Into The Bathroom And I Grabbed The Wash Cloth

I Turned On The Sink And Than I Saw My Reflection And Looked At Myself

It Was An Argument Just An Argument We Were Both Heated In The Moment I May Of Say Some Things But That Didn't Mean That I Stopped Loving Him

I Have Cj Now Things Are Different I Have To Work Come Home Take Care Of My Baby,Clean Up The House,Wash Clothes,Make Sure My Baby Has Have His Bath And Is Put To Bed After A Book,By The Time Im Done Doing All This Shit Im Just Real Angry

Sometimes It Doesn't Necessarily Be Anger Towards Chris

I Went From Graduating Highschool To Being A Wife And Mom That Can Be Overwhelming

While Most 18 Year Olds Were Out Having Fun And Going To College Parties And Being Lit

I Was Stuck At Home Taking Care Of Cj

Not That Im Complaining Because Cj Is The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me But Im Just Saying After Havin My Kid

I Felt Like I Had No Life Outside Of Being Chris's Wife Or Being Cj's Mom And That Gets Frustrating

And Maybe Thats Why Im Quick Argue With Chris All The Time Because I Just Wasnt Happy As I Thought Ill Be

I Didn't Know Marriage Was This Hard And I Didn't Know Taking Care Of A Baby Would Be This Hard

But Im Still Maintain

Im In This Til Death Do Us Part Never Will I Ever Just Walk Out On Chris And Leave Him No Matter How Much He Pisses Me Off

He Just Left With Any Remorse What So Ever

All The Pain And Hurt I Was Feeling Soon Became Resentment And A Sense Of Dislike For Chris Over Time

Over The Next Few Months Just Like Chris Promised He Was Back And Fourth Between New York And Atlanta He Would Drive Out To New York For 13 Hours Every Other Week