Letters to Life: Letters written to a lost life

Crowd of thoughts 3

dear life,
how long are you going to test my love for you with your absence? now the empty room left by your eviction from me echoes with my whispers screaming your name.

i sit in a lonely, dark corner of my own mind only to hear those whispers. they somehow seem to calm the demons residing in every cell of my body. you see? Just your name. these whispers, so melodious, yet so empty for i know they can't reach you.

what am I to do? all I can do is sit here, waiting for you, while listening to these whispers of my own until they are replaced by yours. but soon those ugly and dark thoughts surround me.

more hopeless than the chaos of my emotions and darker than this dark corner of my mind, these are the very thoughts responsible for our separation. their cacophony drowns out my supplications to them. they look at me with disgust glistening in their eyes. they laugh at me, taunt me. they proudly recite their success story only to make me realize the kind of a failure that i am. i failed you.

i remember how I fought battles against my thoughts everyday. i remember how they used to stab knives in my back. i also remember how you tried to heal my wounds with your kisses each night. you were my strength.

but I was slowly losing. the pain got too much to take, too much to hold myself together anymore. i was becoming weaker. it felt like you were slipping away from me, just holding onto the edge.

i kept fighting until breathing became impossible, until my lungs gave out, until my heart became heavy, until my legs lost their will. my knees went down and i surrendered and you were snatched away from me. that is how i lost you to my thoughts.

my thoughts screech this story to me every night. they still stab those knives into me, still run those blades over my skin. only this time, i don't have you to heal me. this time, i don't fight back. this time, i let them blend my screams with those whispers and then drown me in them.

you are taking so long to come back, i am afraid I may fall in love with this routine and forget my need and desire to reach to you, my destination, my life. but i don't mind being a puppet to my thoughts. i lost you to my thoughts. if i lose myself to them too, maybe then we can meet again in their hellfire someday.

willing to burn myself just to see you again.