Letters to Life: Letters written to a lost life

Confessions 2

dear life,
this is the confession of my helplessness that it is helpless because i do not feel even helpless anymore.

i wish to hear the fatigue of my breaths. i wish to hear the emptiness of my heart. i wish to hear the cracking sound of my void self. but all i hear is the cacophonic silence.

my desires were assembled in your embrace. you took them with you when you left. now i am left with only one - you.

now, there is no norm for truths and lies for me. everything seems to be deceitful. the wind pretends to blow so that it can play with my hair, but it actually blows only to mock my breaths. the sky pretends to rain so that its drops could kiss my tears, but it rains just so i can drown in it before i drown in my sorrow.

i have forgotten how it feels for my midnight blues to greet the amaranth of breaking dawn. i have become a prisoner of an eternal 3:25 am.

i wish I could pluck this numbness from me and hide it somewhere out of my own reach.

there is still this thin filament of distance connecting us. but it is becoming more and more fragile. it will break soon and then there will be nothing connecting us, not even distance.

there is still this translucent smoke of memories following me. but it is vanishing with time. i wish i could dissolve in it and vanish with it.

the storm inside me does not stop. i want it to keep raging, keep swirling violently. maybe it will swallow me someday. maybe i will find my peace in the eye of my storm.

cleaning the mess of the bloodshed of my feelings.