Letters to Life: Letters written to a lost life

Unanswered questions 1

dear life,
why is my breath as indecisive as a butterfly? one moment, it is here and then it is gone like it never was.

what has made you so cruel, so merciless? why don't you ever show me a glimpse of your kindness? even if it is a lie? i know, you are not to blame. living among my thoughts has done this to you, hasn't it? why do worries fill my mind so that there is no space for dreams?

i wonder what our first words would be if we ever meet again. for my part, i am telling you everything i feel in these letters. but you have not said a word since you left. you must have so much to say. but will you dare to speak it after such a long silence?

what are you afraid of? that you will not be able to love me? then please know that my love for you is more than enough for both of us.

i know i am a fool to still love you. my mind keeps giving me reasons to give up on you. but my heart? how will it ever cease to beat without your permission?

when i tell you that it hurts, that it is difficult without you, that i am sorry, doesn't it rip you apart anymore? why do i feel like it will be fine when i accept we two will never be? why do i console myself everyday that you are coming back to this so called home? even if you do come back, will anything ever be like it used to be back in those days? when you will hold my hand, will it feel the same?

when even my breath has left my lungs, why haven't these shadows left my body? or have they seeped inside of me?

why are there so many complaints, so many expectations? why is there this infinite distance between us?

searching for these answers myself as I know you are never going to reply.