Hard Knocks (Cashby & Kellic)

Chapter 9

Alan's POV

I laid in bed sweating profusely and shaking. I hated this and I hated the pain. I wanted to scream and get this to stop as fast as it started. I was going crazy. I just needed the heroin before I went insane.  Everything would be better with a fix and I wouldn't have to feel like this anymore.

I just needed it, I craved it.

I got up from my bed and started digging through everything possible. I had to have to somewhere. I couldn't just stop doing this.

"Where is it? Where is it?" I whispered feeling like I was gonna cry. I was nothing without this drug.  I needed to find something, I felt like I was dying. 

When I was done searching I came up empty. I was cleared out.

"Fuck!" I cried sobbing into my hands.

"Alan? Are you okay?"

"I don't- I don't know!" 

"You want to talk about it?" Vic asked, sitting down on his bed.

"I'm gonna rip my hair out if I don't have a fix soon. I can't do this."

"Yes you can, just breathe, Al. You've got this."

I shook my head, "I can't. I don't want this."

"You can," Vic told me softly.

"I just wanna be high."

"I know you do."

Was all this even gonna be worth it to me in the end?  I hated being like this.  I couldn't do this. I just needed heroin.

"You gotta help me, Vic."

"I'm not getting you any heroin."

"You have to, it won't stop!"

"No, Alan, you don't need it," Vic told me.

"Yes I do!"

Vic shook his head. 

"You gotta help me." I cried.

Vic pulled me to him and sighed. "It's going to be okay."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do," Vic said.

"Make it stop."

"It'll stop, don't worry."

I just wanted it all to stop now. I couldn't take this bullshit anymore.

"Can we do something? Like to distract me?"

"What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know, anything."

"Wanna play video games?" He asked.

"Perfect."

-------

I sat alone at a table outside picking at my lunch. I wasn't really to be trusted on my own right now, but I was gonna enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasted. When someone sat across from me I was shocked to see one of those hood rats that I've bought from.

"Do you want the usual stuff?" He asked looking dead at me.

"Look, I do but I can't." 

"Why not?"

"I'm trying to quit."

"You're my main business right now, you can't just quit" He said dropping a tiny bag in front of me.

I looked down at it, my hands were shaking. I could just grab it and no one would know a damn thing.

"I'll give you it for a deal, half price even."