Jeffmads Oneshots

Jeffmads Tries Gaming

A/N I've tried and tried but i cant write a "crack fanfic." This is what i came up with so hope you lovelies enjoy!! Also thank Sneknumber3141592 for the idea, love ya child.

P.S. I had this on repeat while i was making this chapter so yeah. Listen to it if you want or don't, either way is fine.

Chapter 1/5

Word Count: 658

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"Alright, so what's this again?" i ask, already making myself comfortable on my boyfriends lap as the computer rests gently on my thighs.

"Just sit back and relax. Life's better with less questions asked, don't you agree?" a voice whispers in my ear, causing my face to go red.

With a shiver going down my spine, i swallow deeply and press start to the opening screen, trying to control the thoughts and many other things i wish not to speak of.

The screen goes to black, then slowly reveals the title of the game.

"Skyrim?"

"Yes!" Thomas yells, filling me in on the details of how to become the ultimate, "dragon born."

I can already tell this is going to be a long game.

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"JAMES WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"

"The dragon is literally burning people alive, i am NOT going to die five minutes in the game!"

"No idiot! You have to kill him, absorb his soul, then-"

"WHAT THE FUCK, THOMAS?!"

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"She fucking cheats on you?!" I yell, feeling betrayal come over me like a wave of unwanted sluts for wives. (A/N This happened to me and i will never forget how my wife in Skyrim betrayed me)

Thomas, meanwhile, is busting his ass off, watching me going after the guy who apparently just fucked my wife, "Told you," he said between laughs.

"Yeah, whatever! You also said she was the easiest to marry and all the other fucking girls you had to basically suck their dick for marriage!"

I was getting pissed, that only made Thomas laugh more and i felt the sudden urge to become single.

Instead, i yelled, "I'm done, new game!"

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"Are you fucking serious?"

I snickered into Thomas' shoulder, then wrapped my arms around his torso as he pressed play to the one and only, "Slender man."

He sighed, "Alright, come out come out Slendy."

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"GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAAAAAY!"

I was on the floor dying as Thomas fended for himself, yelling at the screen as he frantically tried to keep moving forward.

After twenty four deaths by "Mr. Fuck Face," as Thomas would repeatedly call Slender man,  Thomas called quits and cuddled with me for a while.

"There there Hun, i wont let the mean Slendy hurt you," i whisper, running my hands through his hair as i felt his heartbeat on mine.

"Fuck you."

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"Okay, i know you didn't like Slender man, but this is just cruel." I stared at the screen displaying the little shit everyone knows as the spawn of Satan, Flappy Bird.

"Sucks to suck, baby. Now have fun."

"The only thing i suck is you, Sweety. Which I'm NOT doing tonight," i reply smugly, a smile already forming on my face as i see Thomas' classic, "oh shit" expression taking place.

"Fuck...."

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"I want to die."

"Its not that baaaaad," Thomas cooed beside me, overing a bright smile.

I wanted to take that brightness and burn my eyes with it.....repeatedly.

The sad part about what I'm going to say next is that its true. Not shitting you at all, after the one hundred and seventy fourth death, i fell backwards on Thomas, and accepted the sweet embrace of death.

"Alright, drama queen, my turn."

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"Oh hey you actually picked a game i like!" Thomas clicked furiously at the keys, his eyes intently on the screen as if he already knew all the cheats and prizes and costumers.

"You've played Papa's Pizzeria before? Really babe?"

A light pink stretched across his face, "Shut it."