❤ Innocent Rebel ❤

chapter 96

•●•●•● all I had was two little lines, but  you meant the world to me •●•●•●
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Lex
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Mia stares at nothing. Into space, far away from me, anyone, the world. What we had feared most of all, had happened. The baby is gone. And I can't do a fucking thing to bring it back, or confront my wife. I try but all she does is sit there. Like a lost ghost. Mawmaw dropped Oscar off with Chris and Jess for now. I texted Chris to explain what happened, but really what I wanted from him was his support. Which he gave, with some kind words. My father, is probably already, on his way back to us. He had only left a few days ago, but he is needed here.
I don't know what to do with myself. I pace, then sit, then I'm back up to wonder down the halls. Mawmaw stays in the room with Mia. I haven't left her side for the past four hours, but now I need distraction, or else I will go insane. Or beat the shit outta someone and end up in jail. Sorrow and angry towards no one, is all I feel. That's probably the worst of it. There is no one to feel angry at. It was no one's fault. 'These things just happen sometimes and there is nothing anyone can do about it,' that's what the ER doctor said.
But why did it happen to us? That's what I need to know! What did we do so wrong? And how do I help Mia? She is beyond upset, even if she hasn't said a word, I can see it in her eyes. Surly, her heart ach is worse than my own. It's her body, of course, it's worse. Our baby was a part of her. She had been so careful throughout the entire pregnancy, it makes it even harder to accept this.
How do we get through this?
How can I help her?
What do I need to Do?
All of these questions bounce around in my head, over and over again like a broken record. Before I realize it, an hour has past, I need to return to her.
When I finally do return, I hesitate in opening the door. Inside, I can hear Mawmaw soothing voice. I ease to door open just a touch to lean in to hear what she says.
"Sweetheart, I know you're hurting but... honey, he is hurting too. You to need each other more than ever right now."

I hear a soft whimper, Mia cries on Mawmaws shoulder. When she speaks, my heart falls, from the pain in her voice.

"I know," she says. "I'm just so scared that he is going to hate me for losing our baby."

I blink, completely shocked at her confession. How could she think that?

"Love, I don't think Lex blames you a bit. He loves you so much. You know that. This is just your hormones talking."

"I just.... can't help but think that he will hold this against me. Even if he doesn't mean too. It will creep up on him and one day he will hate me," she sobs.

Mawmaw pats her shoulder. "You know him better than that. And are sure that you're talking about Lex or your self?"

Mia shakes from her crying but she takes a deep breath before speaking again.

"Maybe a little of both," she whispers softly.

Mawmaw wipes a tear from her cheek. "That's what I thought. I promise, this is just hormones and a broken heart speaking. But, sweetie, you can't let this put a space between the two of you. And if you don't open up to him and tell him how you feel, then it will be a problem. The two of you have come so far. Don't push him away because you think you might know what he will feel one day."

Mia nods but doesn't say anything more. I pull the down close softly. And return to my wondering the halls. My mind races with new questions and worries.

When I return to her room again, she is fast asleep. Curled into a ball, like a small child. I find a seat beside her bed. I touch her hand. Simply, needing to feel her touch. Her eyes open and meet mine.

"Baby, we need to talk."

She blinks at me and nods but doesn't say a word.

"I over heard your conversation with Mawmaw."

She sits up, too fast, making her dizzy, and she touches her head.

"You were listening in on us?"

I swallow. "I was just walking in when I heard the two of you. I couldn't help but listen in, it was the first time I'd heard your voice since..."

I stop, not wanting either of us to have to remember our bloody, terrible night.

"I understand," her voice is small and weak. "How much did you hear?"

I move to sit beside her on the uncomfortable bed. "It's not really about how much I heard but what I heard that worries me."

Tears form in her perfect eyes.
And the flood gates open. Finally, she lets it all out.

"I can't help it, Lex. I just have this horrible feeling that one day you will hate me for this!"

I touch her cheek, bringing her gaze back up to mine.

" Mia D'Amore, I will never hate you for what happened. Do you hear me? None of this was your fault. You loved our baby as much as I did. I know that."

Her head falls. "I'm so sorry, Lex! I don't know what happened. I felt fine, good even, and then.... I dreamed that it was happening and I had hoped it was only a dream, but it wasn't! And it's gone! Our baby is gone!.... I can't breathe! I feel like I can't breathe!"

I take my wife into my arms. She body shakes with her crys. And as I hold her, I let my tears fall freely.