❤ Innocent Rebel ❤

Chapter 55

o==[]:::::::> ♥ words in my head, knives in my heart. You build me up and then I fall apart, because I'm only human......Christina Perri-human.....
o==[]::::::>♥
************************************
Lex
****
I walk the streets, mindlessly, for hours. Guilt is weighing heavy on me. Yes, I have hurt her again. But I don't want to hurt her, or push her away. Mia is the best damn thing that has ever happened to me, I know that. I wish I knew what to say, what to do. But I have nothing.
I'm losing her.
All because I'm so fucked up.
It's not that I wouldn't love to have all those things she dreams about, but I have just never pictured any of those things for myself before. But then, I never pictured myself as a one woman man either.
Things just kinda happened and then next thing I knew she had become the most important person in my life. As I walk down the street, I see a man down on one knee in front of a crying woman, who is obviously over joyed. How ironic that I would witness this now. It's exactly what Mia wants. No, maybe she hadn't come out with it yet, but it's what she hopes for oneday.
And I just don't know if that's what I can give her.
I'm not the marrying kind.
Am I?
I become utterly disgusted with the happy couple and continue down my path. It's cold here. Christmas is two days away. I've bought all of Oscar's gifts and Mia's.
I thought that she would like the designer travel bags I had gotten her. A gift to help her along our travels, but now I'm second guessing the idea. I find myself stopped once again.
In front of a jewelry store of all things.
For the love of God!
Anger wells up inside me.
I want to put my fist through the glass. But I turn and leave instead.
It's late. Half past eleven before I stand in front of our hotel door. There is no sound coming from the other side. I put in my key, the door opens, and I step into the darkness of the room.
Not a light on. T.V. is off. I bump into a table. Knock over a vase and stump my toe on a chair.
Fuck, anyone would guess I had been drinking.
Which I haven't. Not once since we have been here.
The bedroom door in cracked. I peep in. Mia is sleeping peacefully. Which I find odd. Normally, she would be waiting up for me. And she isn't.
I stand beside the bed, looking down at the girl who has changed everything. She has such an innocent look on her angelic face as she sleeps. I wonder if she ever dreams and what those dreams are. Are they of me? Of us? Or of a house in front of a lake? Of children? Me as a father?
I sigh deeply and head to the bathroom.  I dread the morning. I know that this topic will come up again.

Most of the night, I lay starring at the ceiling. All in all, I probably got an hour of sleep, if that. So, I am up at the crack of dawn. I have breakfast sent up and then I jump into the shower. The hot water does little to help my tense muscles. Or the aching in my head. I turn off the water, dry myself off, and grab a pair of sweatpants and a black long-sleeved shirt.
Mia is no longer in the bed. I find her seating at the table. Nibbling on a pancake. She places it back down on the plate when she notices me watching her. I love the way she looks in the morning. Her long black hair all in a mess. The little shorts she wears that shows off her sexy legs. And the tight tank top that is pulled tight over her breasts. She always looks so beautiful and this morning is no different.

"I didn't hear you come in last night," she says.

From the tone in her voice I can tell she is still angry with me.

"It was late."

She nods. "So I guessed."

We eat in silence. The tension between us could be cut with a knife. I can hardly stand it.

"Mia, can we please just let this go?"

She sits down her cup of coffee. "I've been thinking about this a lot since yesterday."

"So have I," I grumble.

"And I think that it's best if me and Mawmaw go home."

My head snaps up. "What?!"

She turns to me. "Lex, what's the point of us being together now when neither of us want the same thing? It's just delaying the inevitable. Eventually we will grow apart because our hearts will be leading us in different directions. I want things that you don't. And you...... What do you want?"

I'm so dumb founded I don't know what to say. Other than...

"You can't leave, Mia."

She leans back. "I have to. I don't see this going anywhere and it's just a waste of time if it won't go anywhere."

I stand so fast I knock the chair over from behind me. "No! You can't leave me!"

She starts to cry already. My heart is slamming in my chest. It feels like everything is spinning out of control around me and I can't stop it!

"Lex, please don't make this harder than what it is. I can't take it. Not right now."

I explode. "You can't take it?! This is your fault!"

Her brows come together. "My fault? How is this my fault?"

"Everything was fine wasn't it? We had each other and Oscar. We were going to see the world together! I brought you to Paris! The place you wanted to see. And then just before we left L.A. you had to Fuck up everything! Your stupid dream of a home and family! Guess what princess, I can't give you those things!"

Her sobs just add to the fire within me. My fist lands in the wall.

"Stop it!"

She races to me and jerk away from her touch.

"Lex, please calm down. I can't stand this. Please!"

"I'm sick of all the shit you can't stand! You're so fragile! You can't stand this! You don't do that! Sweet little innocent Mia."

The slap comes hard across my cheek and it snaps me out of my crazed state. I blink. Shocked that she actually slapped me.

"You can put this off on me if you want but it is not an uncommon thing for a girl to want the things I do with the man she loves."

I lower my head in shame. "I know that."

My breathing is heavy. I have so much anger inside me that I'm dizzy from it. And as odd as it sounds, I'm not really that mad at her. I'm mad at the situation. The fact that I can't stop any of it. And I don't know how to make her change her mind.

"Mia," her name slips out in a begging tone. "Please, don't leave me."

Her hands hold my cheeks. She looks deep into my eyes. "I love you, Lex. So much that this is killing me. More than you know. But I can't give up on the things that I want for my life either."

She leaves me standing. In a trance like state, I wait for her to return. Even after she is standing in front of of me, bags in hand, and tears in her eyes, I can't move. Or speak. Or believe what is happening.

"I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me and my grandmother. For saving my life more than once. And for teaching me so many things about myself that I never even knew."

I just look at her. I can't speak. 
She leans in to kiss me softly.
"I love you, Alexander D'Amore."

I close my eyes. Her last words to me echo in my head over and over. When my eyes open, she is gone.

"Mia!"

I race out to find her but she is already gone.

(Please vote and comment. I love knowing what everyone is thinking! Much love.)