The Babysitter (frerard)

Chapter 10: The Black Shadow Above Me

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Gerard's POV:

I couldn't help but get the feeling that Frank is using me now. I actually thought Frank and I could be more than 'bed buddies'. Frank went to his "friend's" house, who is named Jamia. It was truly a coincidence since Jamia was my high school bully. Not a bully, but someone who would tease me a lot because the way I looked and what I am. In her words: "such a fucking loser".

I know, a loser isn't really a mean insult, but when you think about it, it hurts. Even when its being called on by the most bitchiest girl at school. Based on that name, I've gotten low. I've dug myself a big hole, not being able to get out of it. I'm a failure, a disappointment, a waste. I guess you can say I'm used to it but at the same time, I'm not.

It was midnight and my thoughts aren't sleeping. I'm not sleeping. I laid on this very comfortable bed, but not used to be sleeping. I'm just laying here with my eyes wide open. I've tried to drink warm milk; failed. I tried to count sheep, failed as well. I cant think of other ways to fall asleep. My eyes are so worn out but I just cant keep them closed!

I decided to get out of bed and kill time. As I walked downstairs, I hear a static of the T.V. I instantly stop my tracks and thought of that horror movie called, "Poltergeist". My heart began pacing when I thought of Mikey sitting in front of the television talking to freaking dead people!

I slowly continued walking downstairs when I saw Frank watching T.V. Well, not watching- he was half asleep. I sat down on the couch next to him; I noticed he wasn't watching anything and that the T.V was just bars of colors, making that horrid sound. I took the remote that was laying next to Frank and I flicked the T.V off. I sighed, laying back on the couch. That obviously affected Frank because he was now awake. He rubbed his eyes and faced me.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Frank asked, yawning afterwards. To be honest, I wanted to tell him my thoughts were keeping me up but I didn't want to be a burden. I just wish there was a more easier answer that I can give him. I don't want to say, 'Oh, it's because my mind is going crazy but it's all good, man'. The hardest part was I cant even control them, which sucks.

"I lost track of time," I said simply. I want to say I'm proud of myself for lying but then again, nothing I do is worth the applause. It hurts so much that you cant describe the pain. However, most people would describe it as a dark place but it's so much more than that.

"What're you thinking about?" Frank asked suddenly, snapping me out of my thinking phase.

I shrugged, "I'm not sure." I crossed my legs on the couch and sat up, Frank following my movements. We were both facing each other now, making me break the contact. I never liked having contact directly with others, it just makes me feel very uncomfortable. It's like they stare right through your soul. I looked down at my lap, my hair falling on my face.

"You're too precious to be sad," Frank said. He lifted my chin up with two fingers, strands of hair falling on my face again. Frank took his gaze off of me and pushed my hair out of the way. I couldn't help but blush. He makes me feel so many things that I cant explain. They're all good feelings though; like peaceful, satisfied, and more. Although, I still have the quality of sadness but that's all at the back of my mind.

"I'm not sad, Frank," I replied.

"Then why do you seem so down in the dumps all the time...?"

"Can we not talk about this?" I begged. Frank nodded and changed the subject in instant.

"How old are you?" Frank asked randomly.

"I'm nineteen," I answered. I broke the stare again and looked everywhere but Frank. I thought it'd be rude if I didn't make physical contact so I looked at him again. He stared at me, motioning me to continue and I did, "I go to college though. It's winter break as you can tell but I'm going back next week."