I honestly had no idea what to do. I couldn't think properly with all those words he was saying. But thoughts formed. It was just difficult to articulate. It was difficult to express. It was difficult.
"I like you, Lysithea."
I'm not sure if it was replaying in my head or he was actually saying it.
"I like you."
I don't know what's real anymore... after being lied to for so long.
"I like you."
It was difficult to trust.
"I like you."
CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP? I wanted to say. I couldn't... because I couldn't even think properly, how am I supposed to talk?
But before I could think of a way to tell him to shut his trap, silence wrapped around us in a split second.
So many things were going through my mind.
What about Lexus? What? All those 7 years of waiting for him, wasted?
What if everything happens again?
What if this goes wrong? What if what happened with John and I will happen again? What if I tell him I love him when I really actually don't?
What if he's a playboy like Leo? He's more believable to be one because at least he has the looks compared to Leo.
What if what happened with Theo and I will happen again? What if he leaves me hanging like Theo did?
I'm so afraid. I'm so unsure. I'm so indecisive.
But... I won't be indecisive if I don't tell myself so.
THEA! STOP SELF-SABOTAGING AND START THINKING OF A SOLUTION!
Okay.
Solution. Solution.
So I won't tell him I like him too like what I did with John, because I'm not even sure if it's just a happy crush or asdfghjkl.
Leo comforted me, yes. But this is different. Ilius showed more sincerity. So he can't be a playboy. BUT LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING. He might just be acting. He might just be needing help that's why he's helping others so other people can return the favor.
Just like Theo. Then again Theo has a condition; a mental illness. What if he has one too?
Self #1: Am I overthinking?
Self #2: yes
Self #3: no you're not. You're preventing conflict and hurt.
Self #2: you're being too extra.
Self #3: who you talking to? me or #1?
Self #2: you decide.
Self #3: you're not helpi-
Self #1: GUYS! FOCUS ON THE OBJECTIVE. WE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING!
Self #2: something
Self #3: SHUT UP!
Self #1: GUYS GET YOU SH*T TOGETHER!
"Umm..." I trailed off.
I'm gonna compromise. I'm going to make a modified version of all the decisions I made in the past combined.
I'm gonna do it right this time.
