If Only

Fourteen

Richie.
Oct. 1989.

He could not believe himself. Richie Tozier was a fucking idiot.

He'd kissed his best friend. On the mouth.

It was probably Eddie's first kiss, too, and Richie had taken that from him without even a second thought.

Dead leaves crunches under his scuffed shoes. They reminded Richie of his own mentality. Dry and brittle, crumbling under just the slightest pressure.

He was only fourteen years old and he had seen Hell.

"Gotta get out of this fucking town." He mumbled to himself, sniffing in the cool October air.

Richie loved the cold. It made him feel alive, while the heat made him feel sluggish and drowsy.

However, he had more on his mind than just the weather. One inhaler-toting, fanny pack-wearing goody two shoes by the name of Eddie Kaspbrak. His best friend of over 4 years.

He smiled, chapped lips curving upwards as he glanced ahead of him, thoughts of Eddie filling his mind that was so often full of negativity.

Just for a split second, as he observed the town square, he thought he saw the Lumberjack statue twist to smile maliciously at him.

He gasped and stopped walking, stumbling back a little. Memories of last summer rushed into his brain as he was hit suddenly with a wave of uneasiness.

He blinked once, and the statue was back as it had been.

Richie rubbed his eyes, and blinked repeatedly, shaking his head.

The statue didn't move, but Richie couldn't shake the unsettling feeling of being watched. He glanced over his shoulder and around him, but saw nothing save for the few people walking around.

No one was even looking at him.

"What the fuck..." He mumbled.

Must have been his mind playing tricks on him, nothing more. It couldn't have been anything to worry about.

Richie continued his walk home, but this time keeping his head up and his eyes open. Even if he did saw something (which he didn't) he wanted to make sure it was nothing to worry about.

A few more minutes of walking, Richie got back to his own house. He looked at it and frowned, stalling on his front porch.

The porch was made of ugly, cracked concrete and the door was a creaky wooden slab that never stayed shut no matter how hard you slammed it closed.

The screen covering over the door was covered in rips and tears and was rusting.

Richie crinkled his nose in distaste as he stepped inside, wincing when the floorboards underneath his feet creaked loudly.

He paused and held his breath, glancing around cautiously. When it seemed like no one was around, he released the breath he'd been holding and walked into the kitchen, TV blaring static in the corner of the living room.

The Tozier household was a mess. The green carpet was stained with spilt alcohol and covered in crumbs, wrappers, and cigarette butts.

One was still smoldering and Richie quickly stomped it out.

"Fuck." He rolled his eyes and sighed.

His parents really didn't give a shit. The fucking house could have burnt down and they're probably out getting wasted or asleep.

He walked over to the fridge and grabbed the jug of milk, uncapping it and taking a wary sniff.

It seemed fine, if a little sour, but it was nothing Richie wasn't used to. The tall brunette poured himself a glass and took a sip.

He walked over to his room and closed the door, locking it. A quick glance to his alarm clock told him it was 9:45 pm.

It was Sunday, which meant he had school tomorrow. Just the thought made him curl his lip in disgust.

Not only did he have to deal with the mindless assholes that plagued his very existence, but he also had to face Eddie.

Richie's cheeks warmed at the memory of what he did today.

He cursed loudly and kicked his closet door.

"Idiot!"

In a fit, he began knocking things over, breaking and smashing them against the floor.

When he was tired, he fell back against his mattress and stared at the ceiling, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes.

A thin tear slid down his cheek out of the corner of his waterline. It was as if the whole world was against him.

Everyone had something going for them, but Richie had nothing. He barely even had any friends. Of course, he had Eddie, but Richie had royally fucked himself over not even two hours ago.

Groaning, he buried his face in his hands.

Shit.

A/N: sorry for the late update and extremely short chapter!!! I've been super busy and the updates are definitely going to be much more spread out. the next chapter will be longer and in Eddie's point of view so hopefully that will help.