Broken Into Pieces (EDITING)

Chapter Nineteen- Don't push me away (The Gift)

Chapter Nineteen- Don't push me away (The Gift)

Enjoy!

         I ran inside the house and locked the door behind me. Tears were fighting to get out of my eyes but I was done crying today. No more tears.

"Where have you been, Snowphie." Chris's voice startled me. I turned to face him and Victoria. I was very unprepared for them so I swallowed the lump in my throat and choose my next words carefully.

"I was with Dylan. He took me skating." Instantly both my step parents stopped glaring at me. Wow they really do like Dylan.

"Next time let us know. I don't want another repeat, understand." I nodded my head and watched as my step parents left into the dining room. Quickly, I made my way up stairs and into my room. I was glad that I was alone but I hated the guilt that sank in my stomach. It felt heavy and disgusting. And to believe he went as far as to look into my shoes. Why does he care so much? If I remind him of his sister then why does he stick around?

         I dropped my book bag on the floor and sat on my bed. I took off my shoe to see if he took my blades. Sure enough they were all gone. It doesn't help to take the blades away from me. I can always get more. But the sad part is I think he knows that already. He knows I can get more. Oh god now I'm in really deep shit. Why me, honestly? Tired, I lay down on my back and stare at the ceiling. All I want to do is sleep but I'm scared. I don't want to have another nightmare. One was bad enough and I barely won that battle. It left so real and that really terrifies me. Does that mean this Christmas will be different than the others? I know I shouldn't be thinking about it but I couldn't help it. So much was going through my mind. Things like apologizing to Dylan and the nightmare. Even my step parents were worrying me. I was getting stressed and I needed to relive it. I thought about getting a blade but then the guilty feeling I've been having, settled in my stomach. That wasn't an option. I didn't want to lose Dylan. The thought scares me more than the nightmare. I couldn't do anything else to hurt him. After what I just found out, I couldn't be selfish with him. I needed to repay him. Starting with the money he paid to let me skate.

        I sat up in my bed and opened the cabinet in my nightstand only to see it was stuck. It took awhile but I got it open. I looked for money and found it under one of my old journals. I stared at the journal and almost picked it up to read it. I stopped myself because I knew only bad memories would come from the journal. I shut the cabinet with a slam and prayed my step parents wouldn't come to my room. I put the money in my book bag so I wouldn't forget and sat back down on my bed. I looked around my room. I needed to clear my mind without self harm. Music was out of the question because that would just make me want to sleep; which I didn't want to. I took off my jacket and felt the cold air hit my skin. I needed a shower and that exactly what I was going to do. I walked into my bathroom and striped from my clothes. I turned the water on the hottest it could go and stepped in. The water stuge my cuts but I didn't pay much attention. I absentmindedly grabbed the shampoo and washed my hair. I rinsed it off and grabbed body wash for my cuts. I gently washed them. I didn't want them to reopen because that would just be a mess. I stood under the hot water until it turned cold. Turning it off, I grabbed my towel and dried myself off. I brushed my teeth quickly then went into my room and throw on PJ's. I plugged my phone up to its charger and laid on my bed. I was wide awake and I most likely was going to pull an all nighter.