Dear Hope [UNDER EDITTING]

Letter twenty-three [EDITTING]

Dear Determination,

I ran. I know I messed everything up but I also know that I was going to make it all right. The keychains on my bag clanked together as my backpack bounced up and down as I sprinted. My mind was racing too, what was I going to say? How were they going to react? 

As I reached the building, I slowed down, allowing my ears to be filled with the sound of chatter instead of plastic hitting each other. I allowed my thoughts to calm, and at least think a little bit about what I was going to say. Jemma was not far behind, I mean, she won like, five of the running competitions at our athletics carnival. 

My polished, black shoes strode forward with intent. A few more corners turned, and there they were. Part of me wanted to just leave them alone and ignore everything that had happened, but most of me decided that I was sick of the drama and that it was stupid, just like Jemma had said. 

I walked up to them, taking a deep breath to make sure that I was the one that had control over my every word, not Anger. 

"Hah, I knew you lot would eventually come running back," Alyssa teased, though not in a playful manner. Irritation tried to coax me into a flat response, but you reminded me what I came here for.

"No, we didn't," I denied adamantly, trying to mask the defiant glare of Anxiety being reflected in my eyes. "We... We came to tell you that Jemma and I don't wanna be friends with you anymore."

Silence. Alyssa and her friends just looked up at us. Anxiety cackled in my ears, a sound I thought I could handle, but a pit in my stomach was my only coping mechanism. 

Melissa finally broke the silence with a quiet giggle that she couldn't hold back. Alyssa followed suit and laughed along with her. 

"What's so funny?" Jemma inquired, obviously not impressed. 

"Uhh, do you think that we care?" Alyssa cackled.

"You've always been so clingy, Jemma," Melissa sighed with a mocking tone. "I'm kind of glad you came to your senses..."

I stood in shock. I mean, I have to admit I did kind of expect something a bit more. I didn't expect all of these sorts of emotions to come out though. Jemma clenched her fists and bore a facial expression of hurt.

"Oh, I'm clingy now, huh?" she retaliated, trying to keep her temper in check and not raise her voice so she wouldn't draw too much attention to herself. "I'm the clingy one when you were so desperate to tear apart our friendship because Alyssa is just the pink diamond of this school!"

"Yeah, well you still had the nerve to stick around after we'd made it very clear that neither of us wanted to have anything to do with you!" Melissa replied back, almost caught off guard. Almost.

"Ten years, Melissa," Jemma retorted, masking Sadness with Anger. "I think it takes a lot more than the cold shoulder to break off that kind of friendship. Maybe I hung around because I thought things would get better. Did you think of that? Did you think that maybe I stayed because you still mean a lot to me?"

"Well it's finished now," Melissa said coldly, turning her head away. "I'm glad you finally got the message. The irony is that you didn't even get the message really. You just left because you finally met someone with the guts to accept when things weren't built for them."

"You can think that all you want," Jemma replied, hurt and disheartened. "Come on Sophie. I don't want to deal with this any longer."  

Jemma crossed her arms in defeat as we left. I could tell that she was deep in thought, so I decided not to disturb her. Life never turns out the way you expect it to though. Sometimes even if that is the case, it's just hard to let go of old ideas. For instance, I just couldn't get past the fact that Melissa was that cold towards Jemma. Jemma even said that they had been friends for ten years. For most people that would be an almost unbreakable bond. But I suppose that for others it's just a temporary thing. 

Three bells and two classes flew by and Jemma seemed to be a little quieter than usual. But at least she was talking. Before long we were sitting in our new spot, retrieving our lunches from our bags. 

"This morning was... unexpected," Jemma finally said. Neither of us had talked about the morning so far. I didn't want to bring it up just in case Jemma didn't want to talk about it. "But... it's kind of a relief. Like I don't have to keep carrying around that weight. It's sad too, obviously. But... I guess... no pain no gain?"

I chuckled a little bit and Jemma smiled too. "Yeah, I suppose," I agreed. "I didn't know that you guys knew each other for so long though." 

"It doesn't seem like it anymore, does it?" Jemma laughed, though I guessed it was Happiness masking Sadness. "You know, we used to be really close. We went to school together, primary I mean, and we were practically inseparable. Or I thought we were, anyway. When I think back on it, I think it was really just me being a child who didn't have any other friends. Melissa was quite the opposite. She had a lot of friends beside me. She wasn't blunt and rude, unlike me. You think I'm bad now? I had no filter at all when I was younger."

We both giggled, and I thought about how I had changed too. To be honest, I was still careful and a little pessimistic. But I was definitely a lot more carefree and happy. I suppose that's a product of innocence. 

"But she hung out with me the most. I suppose that's why I just assumed that we were really close." Jemma continued.

"If she hung out with you the most you probably were a lot closer to her than she was to a lot of her other friends though," I interrupted.

"Maybe. But she usually didn't sit with me in classes or anything, only during break. Anyway, we even promised each other that we would go to the same high school, and we would be friends forever. Guess I'm just an idiot." Jemma finished, obviously giving up on hiding away Sadness.

"It's not idiotic to wish for something to last forever," I comforted. "I mean... I think now that Sally wasn't an idiot to wish for that security either. And we have only known each other for a month or two. And you grew up with Melissa, so it's even less stupid."

"I suppose," Jemma sighed. "That doesn't change anything in the end though. I kind of just hoped for something that I knew even hope couldn't prevent from fading away." 

"I guess..." I replied. "But like you said, it's over now. I think it's time for both of us to turn over a new leaf. Plus, that was pretty damn poetic. Melissa's an idiot for giving up an up and coming poet like yourself."

"Yeah," Jemma said, smiling and laughing with me. 

It is a bit strange though, Determination. I mean, we all seem to ask for Hope to come to us for different reasons. Jemma wanted Hope to be by her side to try and convince her that Melissa really did care, and I wanted Hope to be there for me to just make Sally go away. But Hope can't actually do anything. It's just a feeling that allows for other emotions such as yourself to do their work. Hope only manipulates the mind, the other emotions.

But maybe that's all it needs to do. 

Thanks for listening,

A contemplative girl