aftermath | jinseob [discont.]

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park woojin

"what you witnessed just now is one out of my many experiences of getting a panic attack. do feel special as not many people could witness this in person."

hyungseob and i decided it'll be better to go to the nearest convenience store that they could find, treating themselves with each two cups of ramen (more like i was the one who treated, it has became an unwritten rule for the both of us), yet still not acknowledging the awkward atmosphere between us.

after the sudden tantrum i brought by throwing in a kiss to the sloppy love story, i thought the situation would've been more subtle and i could finally talk to him freely again. turns out it became worse; hyungseob wouldn't let himself look at me in the eye— or worse, he wouldn't let himself look at me in general. he wouldn't let me look at him either, noticing the fact that there's still a pint of redness on his face.

boy, this is going to be hard.

"did you get panic attacks during produce..?" hyungseob asking the important questions. that does not fit his style; he usually just brings out another topic that is nowhere close to boring.

i nod unwillingly. "a couple of times."

"and you did not tell me?"

another bomb. why is he trying to destroy me in the simplest way? "i didn't want to worry you."

he irks. "pity, i could've stopped you earlier from panicking if you ever did told me about it."

"would it make a big difference, though?" i mumble promptly as i sip the remaining soup in the cup. "i'd still be out of control, you'd still try to calm me down—"

"you're still going to kiss me?" hyungseob interrupts, stopping me from continuing my actions. this boy will be the death of me.

"the kiss was an exception." i bite my lips. "you know what? forget it ever happened."

"i don't want to." hyungseob mutters. i could see him clenching his jaw, keeping himself together.

"you were the one who ignored it the last time." those words slip off my mouth, and i regret that it ever did. i guess i have to take it the hard way. my rejected love confession is the last thing i ever want to think about.

"i did not ignore you. i just said that i needed time."

"and i gave it you. tons of it." i reply back. "but now you're here, and i— I couldn't give it in."

i look down in humiliation. i could feel hyungseob gaze trailing over me, secretly observing me. he takes a deep breath. "you know woojin, me not replying to your confession does not mean that i don't feel the same way."

"yeah, but you just made the fool out of me, you know that?" i call out. those words could kill once it is spoken. "I know you did not mean anything but you did hurt me. i couldn't sleep for days."

"don't act like the victim here, you know what happened to me before." hyungseob defends himself with the thing that solemnly stopped him from debuting.

"yeah, and you also did not tell me about that." i point out, reminding him of what really happened.

"i wasn't supposed to."

"yeah, and that to keep myself from being burdened?"

"no, because i want to keep you happy." hyungseob blurts out, his eyes staring at me intensely. "i bear it so you don't have to."

—

whelp i cried whilst writing this