Monochrome beat (boyxboy)✔

Beat 37

Jax's POV

Warnings: dosages of Tylotinerise tablets in excess will cause severe liver damage, which can be fatal.

I emptied the white pills from their container into a small bowl. The sound as they hit the small glass bowl filled the air. In truth, it wasn't that loud, it was just loud to me. Little by little the glass bowl filled. I couldn't see its bottom anymore.

I extended my hand to touch one of the round white biconvex pills. Only then did I realize my hands were shaking. My breathing was coming in rasps. I was feeling faint, owing to my uncomfortable breathing. I put my other hand on the bathroom sink in front of me to steady myself.

I had done some research. I had done all the calculations. I needed just fifteen of the pills. I needed to take them consecutively with no delayed pauses, otherwise it wouldn't work. Fifteen...it sounded like a lot, but I was going for more. I would take as many as I could until I couldn't anymore. That way, I was guaranteed to not fail.

I had done my homework. I expected nausea and abdominal pain initially. I'd weather them out, not saying anything or showing any signs of pain. He wouldn't notice. He'd leave for work every day just as he'd left me alone that day. I'd pretend to be asleep when he came back.

It wasn't a quick one, but this was all I could find.

My shaky fingers moved over the tablets as I counted them. They were more than twenty. They were sufficient.

"I found a therapist for you. She's old, but I think you'll like her. You can try her out and if you don't I'll find you another one."

Silence.

"I was thinking you can start next week. You can have the afternoon sessions. I can drop you off and pick you up."

Silence

I could see the hope drain from his face. The enthusiasm in his voice was gone. His eyes were no longer as bright. He looked like a withered flower. Just like before, I was managing to suck the life out of him. Why wouldn't he leave?

It had been four days since I moved in with my dad. I had said goodbye to Rittertown with no expectations for my new life. I had jumped at the opportunity of leaving not because I had hope, but because...I wish I knew why.

The thought of living with Digger terrified me, and maybe I didn't go back there because I wanted to live. Living with Janice would leave me unsupervised many times. It would be easy to finish what I had started, so why was I here?

Dad tried his best to make me feel welcome. He took a couple of days' leave from work. He made breakfast, lunch and dinner and not once asked me to do the dishes. He sat with me and made idle talk. He put in his favorite movies and hoped I'd share in the laugh. He played my favorite movies and talked through the whole movie, explaining a plot I knew very well.

Sometimes when there was nothing more to do he'd ask what he could do to make things better. He'd awkwardly say he wouldn't push and whenever I felt ready, I could tell him what was going in my head.

He was trying.

He'd brought me to his three-bedroom apartment in Crescendo, a beautiful city thirty minutes away from Rittertown. I hadn't seen much of the city, but from what I'd observed as we drove to the apartment; it was beautiful with lots of trees and colorful flowers. It wasn't too busy, with spacious pavements for pedestrians and cafes. Dad said there was a beautiful lake he'd love to show me someday. It was definitely a major change of scenery from Rittertown, but I wasn't allowed outside yet to explore it.