Monochrome beat (boyxboy)✔

Beat 38

Orlando's POV

"How are you feeling?"

It was a miracle I managed to hear my brother's words. They were loud enough to dwarf the noises I was hearing as my heart raced against nothing in particular. The throbbing was still there, but I'd managed to hear Eric's words all the same.

There was a reason why Eric was asking me how I was feeling. After my begging and ultimately Eric's begging, my parents had allowed me to visit Jax, and not only do that, but sleep over for the whole weekend too. I was excited about seeing Jax, but I was nervous too.

Jax and I had talked during the week he'd spent at his father's place. We had talked about everything except the one thing that drove him to attempt suicide. I avoided the topic so I wouldn't upset him, but it wasn't doing any of us any favors. For all I knew he could be pretending he was fine. Typing was easy. I needed to see him to assure myself he was fine. But I also wanted to encourage him to talk about what was bothering him.

The only way we could avoid the same thing happening again was if we talked about it and actively eradicated it rather than sweeping it under the carpet.

I wasn't just nervous about broaching his suicide attempt with him. The butterflies in my tummy were those of the excitement of seeing someone I fell in love with, and that nervousness made me even more nervous. Jax and I had decided our feelings for each other didn't matter, but they didn't just go away. Finding out he loved me back had increased my feelings for him.

I couldn't lie. There were times I pictured a world where he was okay and we were together. I shouldn't have thought of that, but when the lights were off and I was suddenly lonely, I could only think of him. I wasn't lonely, I just wanted him.

Such thoughts made me nervous about the weekend. The last thing I wanted to do was alienate him. I'd acted on my feelings before, who's to say I wouldn't do it again?

I sighed and looked at Eric. I hadn't paid much attention to our surroundings, but now that Eric had brought my attention to him, he brought the beauty of Crescendo with him.

Crescendo had being my mom's second choice when we'd decided to move. It was a gorgeous, spacious town with far less residents than it could contain. It was a fairly new town, and as such wasn't all that populated. My parents couldn't find a house quickly for their budget in Crescendo and settled for Rittertown, which was not even on their list.

The beauty of green trees ambushed me. The scent of lilacs filled the air as we passed an enchanting park. The calmness of the place was mesmerizing.

At one point I'd thought Jax had made a huge mistake by moving. His father was like a stranger to him. He didn't know anyone in the town. I imagined it would feel like he was imprisoned, but Crescendo was probably the best place for him at that moment. It was much safer and calmer than where he'd lived.

I drummed my fingers against my thigh, remembering that Eric had asked me a question.

"Fine," I lied.

"I know you," he remarked. "You are –" he said but was interrupted by the GPS giving him instructions.

"Looks like we are here," he said as he slowed down to park the car in front of a beautiful modern apartment building.

"I'm nervous about seeing him. First and foremost he's my friend, but I can't forget that I love him more than that. I don't want to do something stupid and act on my feelings again, but sleeping in the same place as him...it's gonna be hard," I admitted.

"Just remember why you are here," Eric advised.

I didn't think it was much advice, but I nodded. There was really nothing Eric could say that would assure me. At the end of the day, it all depended on me.