Monochrome beat (boyxboy)✔

Beat 40

In all my eighteen years of living, I'd never thought I'd be where I was. I mean, I guess no one ever really correctly predicts their life. I hadn't attempted to, and after everything I'd been through, I was glad I hadn't. No one could have predicted how my life would go and I wasn't prepared for all the curveballs. You can't really prepare for anything, and the best and only thing to do is adapt when life unravels.

I had to adapt. I had to adapt to being in a car accident where my friends died, having my leg amputated and having to live on immunosuppresants for the rest of my life. I had to adapt to having a broken boyfriend.

No one wants the person they are with to be damaged or broken. No one wishes for it to happen, but it does happen. The thing about love, much like life, was that it was unpredictable. I fell for Jax knowing he was damaged. I didn't know how far the damage went, but I still fell in love.

Most people would run away at the prospect of dating someone broken, someone who had sky-high emotional walls. You go in knowing that no matter how much you do things by the book, the idea of trusting you is terrifying to them; their last memories will spill into your relationship and they'll at many times say things they don't mean because they are scared.

You have to tread carefully because they tend to understandably overreact. They might not take kindly to compromising because they've had to compromise a lot before. They want control, even at times where there isn't any to give.

Every time you leave it feels like you're abandoning them.

Jax knew I couldn't stay with him forever, but he still appeared shocked when I had to leave. After spending the weekend at his dad's place, I had to go back to Rittertown. I still had school and after begging my mom to visit Jax, I couldn't overstay or she'd never let me go anywhere again.

I wasn't happy about leaving, but I was happy about my stay. Jax had finally told me what had led to the suicide attempt. We'd told his dad in the morning. Mr. Wyatt's first reaction was that of fury. If Digger had been in the room he would have killed him, I had no doubts about that. His second reaction was sadness and then guilt. Jax cried throughout but told me he felt better afterwards.

He also felt strong enough to lay a case against Digger. I was in the room when he laid out the rape in detail to the investigating officer. I was supposed to be strong for him but I couldn't help but shed a few tears. I couldn't imagine what he was going through having to say everything out loud, even more when the officer appeared skeptical and asked him stupid questions.

The officer said it was a tough case but he'd do everything he could. When we left it felt like nothing much had happened, but Jax was able to smile and that was worth every grueling second at the police station.

Jax and I parted that day as they drove back to Crescendo.

It had been two weeks since I'd last seen him. Summer break was coming up and I was excited. Mom had at one point threatened to send me over to my grandparents for the whole summer and I hoped she'd forgotten because I was planning to spend the break with Jax. We'd even talked about it on the phone.

We literally spoke every day since we parted. He was doing well except for the occasional times he asked if he could trust me, the tantrums and the times he called me at one in the morning because he'd had a nightmare about the rape.

He was seeing a therapist, whom he initially "hated". He hated that she wanted him to talk about the things that bothered him. He complained that she wasn't me, but there was only so much I could do for him. I had no training. I was winging it as I went along. Sometimes I gave in and let him have his way when I shouldn't have.