Monochrome beat (boyxboy)✔

Beat 39

Later that night I lay in bed unable to sleep. Jax's dad had set me up in the guest room, which was close to Jax's room. Jax was probably sleeping while I was tossing and turning. The one thing going around in my head was Jax's reactions and how scattered they were. I understood perfectly how he could go from showing emotion to none at all, but understanding didn't make it any easy.

He was trying hard to appear okay, but at times the cracks were exposed. He covered them up with lame excuses and avoidance tactics. He was confusing. There were a lot of things that didn't make sense. Take his reaction to Digger's arrest. I believed it induced his asthma attack, yet afterwards he acted as if he didn't care at all that his uncle was arrested. He focused on the TV like it was his lifeline.

There were many things that he wasn't telling me. Admittedly I was getting a little frustrated. It was like being on a rollercoaster ride, except on this one the drop wasn't visible at all. One minute you are going up and out of the blue you are crashing down. It was all scattered and I was running out of time.

My biggest fear with being away was that Jax would crash so hard he wouldn't see the light at the end. He'd take the final plunge and he would succeed. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the answers. I only had my love for him.

Maybe I was in too deep, or maybe I wasn't at all. I still had hope. I still hoped he'd smile again and I would be there to see it. I also knew it wouldn't happen magically. It wouldn't happen the next week or the week after that. That didn't stop me from wanting to be there.

I was dangerously too deep it was almost an obsession. Love was an obsession. It could be beautiful but it could also turn dangerous.

I tossed again and sighed. The bed I was sleeping on felt hard, probably never been used. It was also one of the reasons I couldn't sleep.

I was playing an imaginary beat in my head when a knock came on my door. I frowned and looked at the time on my phone. It was a few minutes after midnight.

"Come in?" I said uncertainly.

The door opened and a shadowy figure walked in, closing the door behind it. I switched on the bed lamp to illuminate the room. The shadow was enveloped in color as the light touched it.

Jax walked into the room and stopped next to bed.

"Can I sleep with you?" he asked softly.

I was caught off guard. I didn't know what to say. I could say yes and risk acting on my feelings or I could say no and risk upsetting him. He obviously couldn't sleep either. I couldn't turn him away.

"Yeah, sure," I said and moved slightly so he could join me.

He climbed in and pulled the duvet up. I switched off the lamp. I was sleeping on my side, so we were spooning without touching. For a while we weren't touching and there was silence between us. I still couldn't fall asleep. I assumed Jax had fallen asleep, but then he turned toward me.

"Orly?" he whispered softly.

"Yeah?" I said opening my eyes.

I hadn't even gotten a view of his face before I felt his lips on mine. I was stunned, but not for long. My self control abandoned me so quickly it was almost like it had never been there. I returned Jax's kiss. At first the kiss was gentle, but then it grew passionate. It was as if something had ignited him.

His hands were in my hair in no time. Not a moment's hesitation existed in his kiss and that scared me. Heat passed through like wildfire between us.

Jax moved closer and pushed his leg between mine. His hand feverishly went underneath my top, touching and almost scratching. The kiss grew more intense. The duvet was pushed far back as Jax got up from the bed and straddled me, leaning in to kiss me. I planted my hands in his hair just to prolong the kiss, wanting it more than I had ever wanted something as the fire burned between us.