Tainted Secrets (Zarcus/Zalfie)

Tainted Secrets

 "Well this is it!" Marcus grinned flopping down on our new king-sized bed, creasing the crisp, white sheets. I fell down next to him and smiled,

"Yep."

We had finally moved in to our flat that we had decided to rent together. It was such a surreal feeling to actually be living with Marcus after all these years of being a couple and part of me was quite happy about it despite of the other conflicting emotions.

Marcus then curled his muscular arms around my petite frame and tightened them into a warm hug.

"It's been a long time coming really, hasn't it?" He joked; I had to admit it was the truth. Three years and we had only just moved in together? Was that slightly strange?

"I love you Zo." He breathed gently into my ear. His tone was so sincere and kind that I felt my heart shatter inside my chest. He really did love me with all of his heart and I was betraying him behind his back.

In spite of that, I still loved him; I think part of me would always love Marcus. But I was also sure that I was not in love with him. Not anymore. We had been so through so much together and I could never thank him enough for all the beautiful memories he had given me. I knew I didn't deserve him.

"I love you too..." I responded quietly however I could feel the tears prickling in the corners of my ears. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop them from falling.

I thought back to all of the brilliant experiences I had had with Marcus. Like the first time we went on the London Eye together and he told me he loved me for the first time. It was certainly a day I wouldn't be forgetting in a hurry.

There was also the time when we had gone to a party and Marcus got so drunk, I practically had to drag him home as he staggered around aimlessly, singing at the top of his voice. At the time, I had been fairly annoyed at him but looking back, it was a very fond memory.

Why was I doing this to myself? By thinking of these memories, I was just causing myself to feel even more miserable, if that was even possible.

The two of us simply laid there for what seemed like hours, just curled around each other on our fresh and comfortable bed while I desperately tried to remove the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

After a while, I turned my head slowly and realised that Marcus had fallen asleep beside me. He looked ever so peaceful, but I was beginning to overheat and feel slightly trapped.

So I delicately slid out of his grasp and off the bed, glancing around to make sure I hadn't woken him in the process before making my way over to the window. The window sill was just wide enough for me to sit on so I swung my legs up and brought them to my chest. The view outside the window was absolutely spectacular and I could practically see the whole London city scape.

I suddenly felt so small and helpless. I was completely out of my comfort zone because I had absolutely no idea how to deal with the situation I was currently in. The thought of calling Louise had popped into my head several times as I still had not contacted her in any way since she had told me about her relationship with my brother.

I wasn't even angry or annoyed at her anymore, I just dearly missed the laughs that we had together and her big sisterly attitude she had towards me. I was aware of the fact that I was a bad friend for not being there for her when she needed a friend the most, but I'm sure my brother had that sorted.

Then I thought of Alfie and pondered over what the future may hold for us. I knew we would never be able to be together without hurting various people along the way and I didn't want that. I especially could not do that to Marcus... my poor Marcus. He was so clueless about the situation and in for him, nothing was wrong. I had agreed to marry him and we had now moved into a flat together, in his mind everything must be perfect.

It was then that I couldn't stop the tears as they rolled down my pale cheeks and I buried my face in my knees. I hated myself so much. Marcus loved me unconditionally and I was going to destroy that if he ever found out about Alfie and I.

All of a sudden I had the strong urge to tell him everything and I wasn't sure why. Perhaps if I divulged all of my awful, tainted secrets it would make things better, not straight away of course but in time. Marcus would eventually forgive me and we could simply be friends. I sighed heavily; it was never going to be that easy.

I then heard Marcus stir and begin to wake up but I didn't make an effort to wipe the tears from my face because the burning impulse to tell him the truth was too strong. If he saw that I was upset then maybe he wouldn't be so angry when I told him.

He stretched his arms in front of him and then immediately frowned when he spotted my tear splattered face. I wanted to lift myself up from the window sill in which I was sitting on but my legs refused to move. My entire body seemed to have frozen.

"Zoe? What's the matter?"

He jumped up from the bed quickly and paced over to me, giving me a worried look. I willed for my body to move but it didn't, I was too panicked in my decision of whether to tell him or not.

"Why are you crying?" He asked softly, placing one of his large hands on the side of my face. I felt a familiar warmth flow through me and I shut my eyes at his touch. I took a deep breath,

"Marcus... I-I..." But I couldn't do it. Words failed me and my mouth went dry. I gazed into his large blue eyes and I knew I simply couldn't do it. I wouldn't hurt him. I couldn't hurt him.

"I'm just so happy..." I smiled finally, my voice coming out rather raspy. Then before I could stop myself, I wrapped my arms around him as though I was too overwhelmed with happiness but in reality that wasn't the case. He didn't seem too convinced by my behaviour but shrugged and held me close against his body.

"You are so silly Zo..." He laughed, nuzzling his face into my neck affectionately.

And I was. I was silly to think that I could ever let Marcus go because at the end of the day, although being with Alfie made me feel alive and excited, Marcus made me feel safe and protected. And it was then in that moment that I decided I had to go with what I needed rather than what I wanted, no matter how much it hurt.

  

*A/N: Oh my god, this story has reached over 1,000 reads; that is so amazing! Thank you so much everyone who has continued through it, it means a lot!*